The handsome prince kissed the beautiful sleeping princess, and she woke up. They got married and lived happily ever after.
That was in the good old days when writers could write stories they way they should be written. Nowadays, the story would have to go something like this:
The handsome prince kissed the beautiful sleeping princess. She woke up, looked him in the eye and demanded, “Did you slip some drugs into my drink?” Then the beautiful princess hired a lawyer, sued the handsome prince for sexual assault, and was awarded half the riches of his kingdom.
Or consider this story from the old days:
The courageous prince thrust his sword into the dragon. The dragon burst into flames, fell headlong off the cliff, and plummeted down into the sea, never to be seen again.
Nowadays, the story would go something like this:
The courageous prince thrust his sword into the dragon. The dragon burst into flames, fell headlong off the cliff and plummeted down into the sea. The incident was recorded on a castle security camera, and the videotape was leaked to the SPCA. The prince was subsequently charged with cruelty to animals and violating the Endangered Species Act. The Department of Oceans and Fisheries also got involved, and further charges were brought against the prince for polluting the environment and dumping toxic material into a body of water. The prince was fined heavily and driven from public office in disgrace.
One more story from the old days:
Hansel and Gretel pushed the wicked witch into the oven and slammed the door. She was soon burnt up. Then the children found their way home and lived happily ever after.
Nowadays, this story, too, would turn out somewhat differently:
Hansel and Gretel pushed the wicked witch into the oven and slammed the door. Fortunately, the witch was able to use her cellphone to call 911, and she was rescued by firemen using the jaws of life. The witch then lodged a complaint with the Human Rights Commission against Hansel and Gretel for religious discrimination. Hansel and Gretel were found to have violated the witch’s human rights. They were fined $50,000 each and were required to issue a written public apology to the witch. A settlement was agreed upon, allowing the witch to freely exercise her religion, providing she limited her consumption to eating three children per week. This last restriction was later overturned on appeal when the witch took the case to the Supreme Court. And so the witch ate Hansel and Gretel and lived happily ever after.
Since we began moving around the country four years ago–after living in one area code for many decades–Mel and I have discovered the true need of a good neighbor. We had wonderful neighbors in Missouri, and I also believe we were good neighbors to them. When you’ve grown up with the people who live around you, it becomes more of a family thing. We knew we could count on our neighbors to help us if we needed them. It was just a thing in the Missouri Ozarks. We were never alone.
You know how you take life for granted when it’s always been that way? In our small Missouri town, we could always count on David to plow the snow from our drive. I could always count on Gary to come over and help me lift my mother when she fell. I was there for Cindy when she needed her insulin needles filled.
It wasn’t until we moved to Nebraska and were sick for the first time that we realized we had moved away from that family of neighbors who took care of one another. But then we met Joy and Lyle at our new church just before I got a nasty flu. Although a stranger, Joy came to see me, fed me, kept in touch, called at just the right time when I needed something. She showed me what a true neighbor was all about. What a blessing from God. You really appreciate it when you’re sick.
But then we moved to this wild place. We joined a new tiny church. A church is a family that helps one another, right? They pray for one another. But such a small church cannot be there for everyone all the time. There are too many needs, and in our church, there seem to be a lot who are IN need. So when we get sick here, we always know we have a next-door neighbor who will bring us chicken soup and run to the store and check on us to make sure we’re okay. Sherry doesn’t attend our church, or actually any church right now, and yet her Christian spirit is a blazing light for everyone to see. I missed Sherry this past week when Mel and I once again got hit with influenza and were on our own, too sick to do much, not well enough to get groceries or meds. I gained a new appreciation for Sherry and her generosity when she was away for two months caring for her sick mother.
You know that phrase, “Actions speak louder than words”? It’s easy to claim to be a Christian and say you’ll pray for someone. But when a neighbor is sick, that’s when the prayers become actions. That’s when you have a chance to show your faith through your actions.
James 2:16 says: If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it?
Our neighbors Greg and Sherry use actions to bless us. They cared for our home when we were gone, shoveled our snow, cared for our cats. It seems wherever we go, God blesses us with those who are kind and caring. May you also be blessed by people around you who care enough to be your neighbors.
Today I’m excited to tell you about my newest book release, Always The One. I always look forward to seeing a new book come out, but this time I’m especially excited because this is my 10th Heartwarming book with Harlequin. When I dreamed of becoming a full-time author, I never imagined I’d be so fortunate to work for such a great company, have a wonderful editor who I’ve been with for nine books, and be able to pursue my goal of creating stories that I hope touch reader’s hearts.
I always tell people who have a dream to go after it, because I did just that. I love telling stories and wanted a chance for others to read them. It took many years to be able to work as a full-time author, but the journey has been worth it. I learned a lot about the craft of writing, and quite a bit about myself, along the way. I wouldn’t be here without my firm belief in God and the power of prayer. No one has to tell me how awesome the Father is, I see it every day, not just in my career, but in the world around me.
So if you’re hesitating to go after that goal, take a step of faith. You never know what will happen, or the surprises that will pop up along the way. If I hadn’t gone for it, I wouldn’t be telling anyone about my 10th Harlequin book!
Always The One is bittersweet, since it is the last book in the Meet Me At The Altar series. The Matthews brothers have a special place in my heart. They’re all about honor, family and protecting those they love. Who wouldn’t fall for men like them?
Derrick lost the woman he loved years ago, until fate brings them together. But Hannah isn’t exactly welcoming, with good reason. Still, Derrick is a Matthews and won’t quit until he convinces her they belong together. Will they find their happily ever after? Not only do we get that answer, but a recap of the Matthews clan as well.
Here is the back cover blurb for Always The One.
She’s the love of his life…
…but is he still hers?
FBI agent Derrick Matthews has finally found his childhood sweetheart and the love of his life—but she isn’t exactly happy about it! Years ago, Hannah Rawlings disappeared overnight when her family went on the run, and she blames Derrick. She tells him she’s moved on and he should, too, but Derrick fears Hannah’s still in danger. He vows to protect her—even if that means betraying her trust…again.
Here’s an excerpt. Enjoy!
She tilted her head. “You weren’t serious when you said you never stopped looking for me, were you?”
He moved closer, his gaze locked on hers. “Dead serious. But my dedication only led to one disappointment after another.”
“I just…there was no one else in your life?”
He wasn’t about to admit there’d been a time when he’d almost moved on. “You’re hard to forget.” He turned to look across the room at Prescott holding court. “But I guess you had it easy getting over me.”
“That’s not fair. I honestly never thought we’d cross paths again.” Her fingers trembled when she set her glass on a nearby table. “And that was fine, since I was angry with you. But as time passed, I realized there was no way you could find me with a new name. How on earth would you have access to WITSEC? You couldn’t.”
“So you never imagined me sweeping in to save the day?”
“If I did, it was wishful wishing.”
“I never stopped missing you. Wanting you. Hoping things had turned out differently.” He fisted his hand in frustration. “I thought you stayed away because you didn’t want to see me.”
She opened her mouth, then closed it. It looked as if she was debating her words. “Yes, we made promises. Had our entire future before us.” Her eyes turned glassy in the bright light. “But the longer we were apart, the more apparent it became that we were over. My family took precedence, Derrick. Decisions were made that moved you and me farther and farther from each other. This is my reality now.”
He couldn’t deny that truth. “So Prescott is the guy for you?”
She nodded. “He’s been there. Ever since we met and later when Mom got sick. He’s a good man.”
“You love him?”
“You’ve met him. How could I not?”
“That’s not an answer.”
She pressed her lips together. He remembered that stubborn expression.
“Derrick, it’s been too long. We can’t be in each other’s lives now,” she continued. “We must accept that.”
“Have you ever known me to give up on something?”
“I’m not a something.”
“You’re the love I never stopped looking for.”
Teardrops sparkled on her lashes. “This isn’t fair.”
Tara Randel is an award-winning, USA Today bestselling author. Family values, a bit of mystery and of course, love and romance, are her favorite themes, because she believes love is the greatest gift of all. For more information about her books, visit Tara at www.tararandel.com.Like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/TaraRandelBooks. Sign up for Tara’s Newsletter and receive a link to download a free digital book.
In life we will all cross different hills and valleys. Most of us probably much prefer the hills. When we are on top, life is wonderful and things are going well. We have joy and blessings overflowing in our lives.
On the other hand, in the valleys, we might be facing a difficulty that we would rather not face. Instead of joy, we might be suffering in some way. And the pain overshadows the blessings in life.
But if we change our perspective, the valley can also be a beautiful place. In the valley, we have the opportunity to learn, grow, and strengthen our character. Think of Moses who originally felt he was not qualified to lead the Israelites out of Egypt (Exodus 3). But God strengthened him along the way.
In the valley, God might use the obstacle to display His glory and everlasting love. Think about David as he brought down a giant. Goliath was nine feet nine inches tall. Through God’s power, David defeated the giant with a rock and a slingshot (1 Samuel 17).
Also, when we are in a valley, this might be a rich time for strengthening our relationship with Jesus. When we are deep in a pit, this can be the most peaceful time, if we choose to run into the arms of Jesus. Think of Paul and all the trials he faced in his life. Yet while in prison, he wrote in his letter to the Philippians, “I have learned the secret to being content in any and every situation.” (Philippians 4:12)
I am not making light of the valleys. I know life can be extremely painful and challenging at times. I am just saying that God is there to help us through it, if we turn to Him. And Romans 8:28 reminds us “that in all things God works for the good of those who love him, who have been called according to his purpose.”
We have to make a decision. Will we continue to allow the suffering to torment us? Will we allow the fear to keep us trapped? Will we allow bitterness to hold us hostage? Will we hide from the world?
Or will we run into the arms of Jesus? Will we allow Him to restore us? Will we hand our problems to Him? And will we cling to Him like never before?
In her book Nothing to Prove, Jennie Allen relays how her sister went through some difficulties. She doesn’t give all the details, but it sounds like she hit rock bottom, lost almost everything, and had to start over. Sounds awful, right? But I am awestruck by Jennie’s sister’s response.
Wow. These words simply amaze me. But she has a solid point. I pray that we don’t have this level of heartache that she did. But I do pray that we all can keep this perspective the next time we face something difficult. We can run into the arms of Jesus and allow Him to be our strength.
I wanted to end with a song. But I couldn’t decide between two. So I will leave you with both. Enjoy!
Through the years as a Christian I’ve taught VBS and Sunday School. I’ve helped at youth group and even facilitated a group for girls. I’ve poured into my daughter and her friends.
Even as an author, my heart is with them. I think of them picking up my books and reading them. I even have a series I’m writing with my daughter with a message to them, and mentors like me, to surrender the lies. Because we’re God’s girls. We’re beautiful. Amazing. And Brilliant.
I’ve shared my high school and college experiences in hopes they would learn from my mistakes. Over and over I’ve told them how precious they are. How beloved by God. And the world will not tell them the truth. The world will have them believe they will be enough with that makeup. Those clothes. This guy. —Julie Arduini
So imagine my surprise when I opened Instagram and saw Jennifer Aniston. A Friends fan, I noted it was her birthday. Her 51st. I looked at the image. A cover of a magazine.
My heart sunk and the lies started.
Next month, I turn 50. And I assure you, people would be able to tell which one is me and which one is her. I fixated on her perfect hair, her youthful features, and her glow.
Then I obsessed over my attributes, or lack of them.
I never know each day if my hair will want to be curly or straight. I do know it’s gray.
When I diffuse my hair, I also have an ice pack to manage the circles under my eyes and help my skin appear youthful.
Last year I remember confessing to applying Aquaphor on my face so I could have a Markle Sparkle, and all I did was break out.
Then my mind went to the recent Super Bowl half-time show where I was so disappointed. It was nothing but an advertisement for things that do anything but respect our gender. Yet the whisper through my mind was, “JLo is 50. You look nothing like her.” And then there’s Mariah Carey. We were born on the same day. And that’s where our things in common end.
I was filled with self-loathing. Even though I’ve lost some weight, it’s no where near the size those women are. I couldn’t find anything positive about myself as I kept staring at that Instagram picture.
Finally I shut my phone off and started working on my Bible reading and study time. The whispers died down and wisdom came to mind. God’s loving reminders.
I am fearfully and wonderfully made. Psalm 139:14
I am clothed with strength and dignity. I can laugh at the days to come. Proverbs 31:25
I am God’s masterpiece. Ephesians 2:10
I am altogether beautiful. There is no flaw in me. Song of Solomon 4:7
How quickly I forgot the truth I’ve spent years praying into other women and girls. I don’t know those celebrities beyond what I see online, but I know they are in tabloids all the time. They have had all their marriages up for fodder, and laughter from the world when they ended. My sense is with their public persona, they probably struggle knowing who is a true friend and who wants to use them for their celebrity. And as beautiful as they are, I forgot the most important thing: those magazines are airbrushed and edited.
In other words, not real.
I hope those ladies, and all women in that industry, know or soon come to know what I forgot. That they are God’s creation. So precious to Him. And comparing themselves is such a game from the pit of hell. How they can only be fulfilled in a relationship with Christ.
I pray the women and girls I pray with and encourage never struggle with the lies from the true defeated one. God has such an amazing plan for all of them. For all of us.
Even when we’re about to turn 50.
***
Here are a couple resources I use that encourage me in God’s promises:
They say prayer has three answers: yes, no and wait. This weekend, I got to see one of those long “wait for it” prayers answered. I did not have a successful marriage and I have prayed and worried about my children in their relationships for years. What a blessing it has been to me to see them in relationships and work things out when life gets tough.
My second son got married in December (he’s a Marine and had to do it on government time after deployment) and the reception was this weekend. Watching my son love and care for his wife — and her entire family — filled me with such a sense of pride. I felt like, “I get it, God. It wasn’t my marriage that would be the answer to my prayer, it would be my children’s.”
And I’m good with that. It’s so satisfying to see all they’ve been through already. (Long distance relationship while he was in Okinawa. Barely any communication while he was on the 8-month ship deployment, making two families blend and merging households.) They both love each other through the good and the bad. They compromise. They take care of one another and they have a great time together.)
So my answered prayer for a godly marriage may not have been mine, but I feel like God’s answer was ultimately more satisfying for me. My kids did not learn dysfunction. They learned FROM the dysfunction and that is an amazing answer to prayer. Well done, God. I did not see that coming.
This past week I attended my first ever writer’s retreat. I wasn’t sure what to expect, but had an idea of what I hoped for. I wanted time to write, to get a decent start on a new book idea running through my head, and to connect with other writer’s. Most of that didn’t happen.
Life interfered, and I didn’t get the planning in that I needed prior to the retreat. Being unprepared threw me off. Plus, I was sick one night and much of the next day after eating something that disagreed with me. I certainly hadn’t planned for that. Who does?
Still, something amazing happened at the retreat. There were over twenty of us, all women, from younger single women, to those married with young children, and some in their later years with grandchildren. But, we all had one thing in common—we were Christian writers, writers interested in sci-fi and fantasy, or as some call the genre-speculative fiction. These were my people.
On the final evening of the retreat we all sat in a large room and each took a turn sharing what the retreat meant to us, or a bit about ourselves and why we were impacted. As I listened and shared, I was astonished. Despite all our varied backgrounds, we all were gifted or called by God to become writers, and almost all of us were struggling with major issues in our lives.
Those hurtful issues meant a box of tissues was passed from one to the next as we spoke. We stopped to pray for one woman, and I continue to pray for her and her situation and for some of the others who touched me so deeply. During the sharing and time of prayer, I could feel the connection to these women. A connection that amazed me and one I hope to keep.
After returning home, I couldn’t quit thinking about the struggles and pain we were going through and what that means to us as writers called or gifted by God. I thought of 2 Corinthians 1: 3-4, “Blessed be the God and Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies and God of all comfort, Who comforts us in all our tribulation that we may be able to comfort those who are in any trouble, with the comfort with which we ourselves are comforted.” (NKJV)
We are all called to comfort one another, especially when we see someone experiencing a trial we have gone through. But, as writers, we have a special opportunity to reach many with our words. We may not be able to share the exact circumstances of our struggle, but we can share the emotional turmoil we went through: grief, loss, loneliness, anger, abuse, etc.
My hope, and the hope of many other writers, is that through our words, others might find hope in their situation. We all have that commonality of suffering.
James 1:2 says, “…count it all joy when. You fail into various trials…” (NKJV)
It is easier for me to “count it all joy” when I consider the possibility of helping someone else. When I can write about my difficulty and have a reader connect because they’ve faced that same problem.
I am so thankful for the retreat, and the plan God had for me there. I didn’t get that great start on my book, but I did receive encouragement, enlightenment, and new friends that understand my weird way of thinking. I love them all and am so thankful.
NORA’S REVIEW: Outstanding! Rachel Hauck’s best novel so far. This time-slip story has it all from hero’s past and present, getting a behind the scene tour of a movie set and a peek at the creative process of making a film. Then there’s the battles that took place in South Carolina that will rip at your heart. There are characters you can cheer for, cry with and feel not only their agony but their triumphs as well!
It was an engaging read in both time lines right from the start with actress Chole trying to break out of being the “Queen of death scenes.” Would Hollywood ever see her as something more? She wants to break their type casting; when Chole reads a script, she seeks to audition for. The movie is Bound by Love written by a new scriptwriter. She wanted the part of Esther Kingsley, a woman facing tough times during the Revolutionary War. She’s torn between being loyal to her father and/or following her heart and be with the man she loves, Hamilton Lightfoot. They learn that, “Bravery is fighting in the midst of your fear, not in absence of it.”
All the leading characters Chloe, Jesse, Esther and Hamilton face some hard truths about their life’s choices, faith, and forgiveness not only for the people they’ve hurt and/or hurt them but for themselves as well. It was refreshing to see that none of these characters were running off to get involved physically and then wonder about all the ramifications of their relationship later. Chloe had done that. Everything she rushed into died like the many roles she played.
I liked both leading lady’s loyalty and their search for true love. Chole and Esther ask themselves the question, what is real love.? What does it look like? Would their soul mate ever be found? Did it really exist?
I liked what Chole says this about marriage, “Marriage is the one place where no one can go but you and your spouse. One man. One woman. In a union that has baffled humanity since the beginning of time. It’s a treasure, something to be guarded with every part of your being…joined by God.”
I liked that they were flawed characters testing the waters of faith, church and their struggle with trusting God and His best plan for their lives. So far as they could see things weren’t adding up to be so great. It was down right horrific in some of the things they experienced. Many discovered that forgiving others was easier then forgiving themselves
I relished hanging out with these characters past and present. I enjoyed all the twists, turns, and surprises I experienced with them on their journey. Don’t rush through this, you’ll want to savor every word. This makes for a great book club pick. The author includes ten discussion questions to help make your book club experience lively! I highly recommend this novel for a great read and for your next book club pick. This is a keeper to be enjoyed over and over again!
Disclosure of Material Connection: I received a complimentary copy of this book from Thomas Nelson through NetGalley. Opinions expressed in this review are completely my own.. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255 “Guides Concerning the Use of Endorsements and Testimonials in Advertising”
Tomorrow is Valentine’s Day. Many people around the globe will celebrate by giving their loved ones sweets, flowers, or cards. Depending on what country you are from, it might be a day strictly for lovers, or it might also be a day for friends as well. (Here is an interesting article that explains different Valentine’s Day traditions around the world.) For the most part, this can be a day filled with fun. But there are people who dread Valentine’s Day as well. If someone does not have a significant other, it can be hard to see the world celebrate this day of romance. And even if someone does have a significant other, there is no guarantee that this day will be a special one. Unfortunately, we often look to other people to fulfill us, love us, and make us happy. But another person can never do all of these things perfectly all the time. No matter how you view Valentine’s Day, I have good news. If Jesus is your Savior, then you can look to Him for a perfect example of love. Not only on Valentine’s Day, but every day.
No matter what tomorrow holds for you, here are some things you can count on:
God loves you so much that He sent His only Son to die for you. (John 3:16)
God is love. (1 John 4:8)
He calls you His child. (1 John 3:1)
You are a joint-heir with Jesus. (Romans 8:17)
Nothing can separate you from God’s love. (Romans 8:38-39)
His perfect love casts out fear. (1 John 4:18)
He loves you with an everlasting love. (Jeremiah 31:3)
God hears you. (Micah 7:7)
God is merciful and gracious. (Psalm 86:15)
He cares for you. (1 Peter 5:17)
His steadfast love endures forever. (Psalm 136:26)
God has plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. (Jeremiah 29:11)
He has great love for you. (Ephesians 2:4)
You used to be far away, but Jesus pulled you near. (Ephesians 2:13)
You are a member of God’s household. (Ephesians 2:19)
He chose you. (John 15:16)
You are God’s masterpiece. (Ephesians 2:10)
God’s thoughts about you cannot be numbered. (Psalm 139:17)
God sees your heart. (1 Samuel 16:7)
He laid down His life for you. (John 10:11)
He left the ninety-nine sheep to go after you. (Matthew 18:12-14)
God knows you by name. (Exodus 33:17)
He rejoices over you with singing. (Zephaniah 3:17)
I hope these reminders help brighten your Valentine’s Day. Remember that when you feel lonely, you always have a Friend who you can turn to. He is always there and He loves you with a perfect love.
A little while ago, my wife and I quietly celebrated our 41st wedding anniversary. Many friends our age and many people at our church just accepted this milestone as a normal part of married life. The week we were celebrating our 37th anniversary, the man sitting next to me in church was celebrating his 73rd anniversary.
Some people we have met elsewhere have found this news remarkable. They look at us as if we had just climbed Mount Everest barefoot or found a cure for cancer, demanding, “How did you do it?!”
Frankly, it wasn’t that hard. Some of those 41 years have even been enjoyable. In fact, from our point of view, our 41 years of marriage feel more like a blessing than an achievement. But, for those who may still be wondering, here are some of my thoughts on what makes a successful marriage.
1. Gratitude
Here is what I have discovered. Men, if a woman has agreed to marry you, committed to live with you for the rest of your life, and granted you the extraordinary privilege of being intimate with her, you ought to be overwhelmed with gratitude. You should wake up every morning in utter amazement at your good fortune—unless you think that you are such a wonderful person that lightning is likely to strike twice. Don’t count on it. I know many wonderful, loving, intelligent people who have never been fortunate enough to find one spouse. What makes you so special? If you have been lucky enough to have acquired a wife, you should value her and treasure her as the remarkably precious gift she is. She may well be irreplaceable. And women, you should feel the same level of gratitude if you have been fortunate enough to have found a good man willing to marry you.
2. Giving and Serving
When my wife and I went to school, we were taught about virtues such as serving others and being useful to others. Nowadays, school children are taught to follow their dreams, with the promise that they can achieve anything they want. Accordingly, many people now enter marriage with a long list of the things they expect to receive from marriage. That is not love. That is selfishness. Many in the Me Generation are not equipped to think in terms of the other or even in terms of “us.” Any marriage in which the two partners are focused on what they will receive is doomed to failure. If they have real love, spouses enter marriage focused on what they can do for each other. To paraphrase John F. Kennedy, “Ask not what your spouse can do for you. Ask what you can do for your spouse.” I remember once being at an informal party with my wife. She finished eating first, went to get a coffee, and asked if I wanted one too. Some others watching were appalled that she would lower herself to serve a man. The thing is that if I had finished first, I would have offered to get her a coffee and not thought twice about it. Two people in a constant battle for supremacy will never make a successful marriage. On the other hand, two people trying their best to serve each other will receive far more than the two of them can ever give.
3. Realistic Expectations
The media do not help us here. Many movies, popular songs, and romance novels teach women to expect a husband who is “tall, dark, and handsome” when the reality is that many men are short, bald, and ordinary. Besides looks, women expect a man who is sensitive, cultured, romantic, compassionate, generous, and rich. Men expect to marry a beauty queen who cooks like their mother, keeps the house spotless, and does most of the work of raising the children while holding down a well-paying job. Even more than that, many spouses expect their mate to meet all of their needs, provide their purpose for living, and fulfill all of their dreams. Popular songs say things such as, “You are my reason for living…You mean everything to me…You are my everything…You are all I need…” Such statements are not compliments or expressions of love. They are demands for perfection. That is a role no human being can possibly fill. Human beings are not God. Even on the human level, marriage is a wonderful relationship, but it is not the only human relationship, and a spouse cannot be expected to be all things. If your husband won’t go with you to chick flicks or if your wife won’t go with you to football games, then it does not matter. These things can be shared with friends with similar tastes. Many marriages fall apart under the burden of unrealistic expectations.
4. Tolerance
After a couple get married, they soon begin to discover that there are flaws and weaknesses in the other person that they had never expected. My wife certainly did. Maybe couples should have anticipated these things, but often they have not. Now, each spouse should act considerately, try to give the other person what he or she needs, adapt, and even compromise. There is no excuse for inconsiderate behavior or lack of effort in a marriage. But there is a limit to how much a person can change. It might be that a spouse is simply not capable of being neat, thinking up beautifully romantic gestures, being comfortable in a crowd, or any number of other things. It is impossible to turn a slob into a neat freak or a recluse into a social butterfly. The little irritants that wreck many marriages include annoying habits, disagreements over housekeeping, and different tastes and styles. When one spouse discovers a flaw in the other, he or she will have to make a decision. He or she can end the marriage, spend the next few decades trying to change the other person and arguing about it—or simply accept reality and learn to live with it. There are certain things that should not be tolerated, including unfaithfulness, abuse, addiction, and criminal behavior. But most marriages do not break up over serious issues but over an accumulation of little irritants. A successful marriage requires keeping in mind the big picture and being tolerant of small failures and annoying habits.
5. Teamwork
It is also helpful for spouses to compensate for each other’s weaknesses. A friend of mine said marriage is not a 50-50 proposition but a 100 percent proposition. For a marriage to be whole, there must be a 100 percent effort. If, in one area, one spouse, when doing his or her best, is only capable of providing 10 percent, the other spouse must try to provide the other 90 percent. Doing only “my share” is simply not good enough. A marriage is a team, not a contract between two perfect people.
6. Faithfulness
Nowadays, when people are sexually promiscuous before marriage and unfaithful during marriage, sexual purity seems like a quaint concept. But a couple who have only ever had sex with each other have a unique and powerful bond. There is a level of trust and intimacy, unburdened by baggage from previous relationships.
7. Help
My wife and I got married in our church, surrounded by relatives and friends. Due to distance, many were not able to attend, so shortly afterward we made a trip to have further celebrations with more family members and friends. Many modern couples get married in Las Vegas or on a tropical beach with at most a handful of people they know present and sometimes none at all. The difference is symbolic and significant. Many couples nowadays think that all they need is each other. That attitude speaks of arrogance and overconfidence. If it takes a village to raise a child, a village can also help with a marriage. My wife and I have received much helpful advice and good modeling from parents and grandparents and other older, more experienced couples. Even other couples the same age have provided support, a listening ear, and helpful suggestions. At times, we have found pastors and professional counselors to be helpful, not necessarily to provide help with the marriage relationship itself but with other issues we encountered. We have also benefited from marriage courses and various other types of teaching on marriage and family life offered by churches.
8. God
My wife and I are committed Christians. If God is love and the source of love, then it makes sense to seek His help. Marriage has been much easier because we have tried to live our lives God’s way, prayed for His blessing, and been guided and helped by God’s Holy Spirit.
I never thought I’d be posting this message at this stage in my life. I mean, many of us are no longer in our teens or twenties. Some of us are much older, and would never dream that we might become a stumbling block for men. We’re past that, right? Well, my husband doesn’t think I am, but that’s different.
My friend Deb, in the middle in the picture above, is a genius with style. She always wears something she has designed when we have our class reunions. One thing she does is dress conservatively. Of course, at our age, we all do. Pretty much. But from time to time, especially in winter when I wear my snow boots–which is all SEVEN months of winter–I like to wear leggings with those boots so they don’t wrinkle and bind. This means they are quite form fitting. I will wear a long sweater or shirt over it that covers pretty much everything. Pretty much. And besides, I’m old now. What man besides my husband would consider me seductive?
However, I was dressed this way the other day when I was out and about, and realized too late that the top I wore did not cover every inch it need to cover. And I noticed this in the eyes of a boy who appeared to be coming of age. I was astounded and very sorry.
My mother tried to tell me when I was a teenager that boys reacted to visual stimuli more than girls. She should know, since she had eight brothers. But it was difficult for me to understand since I wasn’t wired that way, and so like a typical teen, I tuned her out.
Now I remember my mother’s words, and those of my wise stepson who long ago warned me that most teenaged boys had very little control of their imaginations. He was a teen at the time, and so he did know what he was talking about.
I had thought that there would come a time when, due to age, I could dress however I wanted and not worry about becoming a stumbling block to men. I don’t worry about grown men now, but I would like to protect those younger ones who haven’t learned control over their observations. They are still children trying to figure out the world. If I were the mother or grandmother of one of those young ones, I would appreciate it if other women would respect their struggle and help keep their minds pure.
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Stress is a reality of life. We all will encounter stress from time to time. Unfortunately we often allow stress to get the best of us. But we don’t have to. We can replace stress with peace by using five specific Bible verses which will remind us that God is by our side. And the first letter of each of the Bible verses spell out PEACE, making them easy to remember!
“Peace I leave with you; my peace I give you. I do not give to you as the world gives. Do not let your hearts be troubled and do not be afraid.” – John 14:27
Jesus gave us a gift of peace. But this is something we quickly and easily forget when we are faced with trouble. The mountains in front of us will seem so immense, that they overshadow our peace. Remembering that Jesus gave us this gift, and choosing to accept it when we are facing obstacles, will help us have peace in the midst of stress.
“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me; your rod and your staff, they comfort me.” – Psalm 23:4
No matter what we are facing, we can remember that the Lord is our Shepherd. This means He is there for us at all times, He guides us down the right path, He protects us from danger, and He makes sure we have everything we need.
“And the peace of God, which transcends all understanding, will guard your hearts and your minds in Christ Jesus.” – Philippians 4:7
We will all face difficulties when we are on this earth. But we don’t have to handle them on our own. We can hand them over to God. When we allow God to handle our worries for us, we can have a peace that transcends all understanding. This makes me picture a person standing in the midst of chaos. Yet while there is pandemonium all around them, they have peace, as they stay anchored to God. How amazing!
“Cast all your anxiety on him because he cares for you.” – 1 Peter 5:7
This is a reminder that we can cast all, not some, all of our anxieties on Jesus. And what a beautiful promise that He cares for us. I love thinking about the fact the King of kings cares for us. This shows how loving He is. And this means that He will want to help us in stressful times.
“Even youths grow tired and weary, and young men stumble and fall; but those who hope in the Lord will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary, they will walk and not be faint.” – Isaiah 40:30-31
When we place our hope in the Lord, we can face anything. Our troubles might tire us. But God will renew our strength. He will hold us up and help us overcome. But we have to remember to face life in His strength, not our own strength.
I hope these five Bible verses help you to replace stress with peace. God is a faithful and loving Father. He is always there. We can turn to Him and seek His help with whatever we are facing. No matter what lies on the road ahead, remember that God is with you.
Recently I listened to a live worship experience where the drummer was on one page and the rest of the band was on another. When I explained it to my son, a drummer, I said it was like the one was playing Billy Joel’s “Pressure” and the rest were playing a praise song.
And I felt a little nudge from God.
That image was much like my past few years. I adopted the pace much like the Billy Joel song, pushing through the good, the bad, and the downright ugly. If I stopped, it was more like a pause. Emotions? I stuffed them down and kept moving.
The Lord’s pace wasn’t the same beat. Where I was insisting on living at something akin to walking through a hurricane, He was a gentle breeze, in the meadow, on a beautiful summer day.
Julie Arduini
Meshing the two together was exactly like the song I heard.
The fact is, pain has to go somewhere, and all my stuffing and running might have looked brave, but I fell and fell hard. I spent most of last year in adrenal fatigue and that was a learning experience. Where I once could tackle events and issues back-to-back-to-back, I had to say no to the easiest of tasks and rest.
Today, I feel much better. Although I’m not at the pace I once was, I’m in rhythm with Christ, and that feels like a beautiful symphony. When I have emotions, I’m expressing them through lamentations. Not the book in the Bible as much as the physical act of pouring it all at the feet of Jesus and leaving it there. No more stuffing. No more avoiding. No more running.
I sense I’m not the only one who was in need of a recalibration. The world doesn’t stop to ask if we need help or if we’re okay. @JulieArduini #WednesdayMotivation
There’s always more work, more fires to put out, more, more, more. If you feel red flags popping up because you know you’re out of sync, I pray this post encourages you.
I know my schedule is one where I can move things around with more flexibility than those with a 9-5 job. Beyond the literal rest my body demanded, I went to the doctor for lab work and added supplements to my life. I became disciplined with bedtime and found with my hormones in a better range, I’m actually tired at that time anyway. I practice yoga, and that has helped more than I ever thought. I find myself breathing better when stressed. I also used the rest to really dive into His word and different studies.
One book that really helped me was Rhythm of Renewal by Rebekah Lyons. Studygateway is offering this study now with limited time free video sessions, and they are a great way to stay in harmony. Although the study started, it’s not too late to join.
From Amazon:
Daily struggles with anxiety and stress make it difficult to receive God’s peace. Rhythms of Renewal will help you trade your anxiety for the vibrant life you were meant to live through four profound rhythms: rest, restore, connect, and create. With encouraging stories and practical steps, Rebekah Lyons will help you begin an intentional, lifelong journey toward sustained emotional, relational, and spiritual health.
Rhythms of Renewalis your guide to daily rescue and a way forward into the peace your soul longs for.
As a society, we are in the throes of a collective panic attack. Anxiety and loneliness are on the rise, with 77% of our population experiencing physical symptoms of stress on a regular basis. We feel pressure chasing careers, security, and keeping up. We worry about health, politics, and many other complexities we can’t control. Eventually we find our minds spinning, trying to cope or manage a low hum of anxiety, unlike ever before.
But it doesn’t have to stay this way.
Rebekah draws from her own battle with depression and anxiety and shares a pathway to establish four life-giving rhythms that quiet inner chaos and make room for a flourishing life. By taking time to rest, restore, connect, and create, you will discover how to:
Take charge of your emotional health and inspire your loved ones to do the same
Overcome anxiety by establishing daily habits that keep you mentally and physically strong
Find joy through restored relationships in your family and community
Walk in confidence with the unique gifts you have to offer the world
If you feel like you’re living at the pace of Pressure, and the Lord’s calling you to slow and heal, I think you’ll enjoy this book. Stay healthy!
Right now I’m in-between books. During a break like this, I enjoy a day off to regroup and be inspired by the world around me before diving into a new project. Last week, my daughter and I went to Epcot’s Festival of the Arts. It was wonderful day to be outside, crowd-watching and eating some of the culinary delights. And walking. Lots of walking. Which was needed after a dessert like this.
Mostly, I love getting away from the every-day routine for a few hours. Having a annual pass to the Disney parks is a splurge my daughter and I invest in every year. It’s an outing we look forward to together. There are so many creative and inventive things to see in the parks, so it appeals to the writer in me. Everyone has their favorite place to get inspiration. Besides the parks, it is the mountains or camping for me. It’s important to have a free day here and there to spend time with loved ones and just catch your breath from the busyness of life.
So imagine my surprise when a sky writer left this message in the blue space above the park.
When we first saw love being spelled out, I figured it would have something to do with an attraction or advertisement. But when God came next, my daughter and I were shocked. And pleased. Lots of people were taking pictures and commenting on the message. Imagine, God being a part of a day at the park! I was thrilled that someone wanted to make a statement above a very secular industry and people gazing up at the sky were touched by the words.
Our time spent getting away turned out to be a very special day indeed. Don’t you love it when God shows up!
New Book Release
I’m so excited to announce that my February book, Always The One, is available today!
She’s the love of his life…
…but is he still hers?
FBI agent Derrick Matthews has finally found his childhood sweetheart and the love of his life—but she isn’t exactly happy about it! Years ago, Hannah Rawlings disappeared overnight when her family went on the run, and she blames Derrick. She tells him she’s moved on and he should, too, but Derrick fears Hannah’s still in danger. He vows to protect her—even if that means betraying her trust…again.
Tara Randel is an award-winning, USA Today bestselling author. Family values, a bit of mystery and of course, love and romance, are her favorite themes, because she believes love is the greatest gift of all. Look for her Harlequin Heartwarming romance, ALWAYS THE ONE. For more information about her books, visit Tara at www.tararandel.com.Like her on Facebook at http://www.facebook.com/TaraRandelBooks. Sign up for Tara’s Newsletter and receive a link to download a free digital book.
And I’m good with that. It’s so satisfying to see all they’ve been through already. (Long distance relationship while he was in Okinawa. Barely any communication while he was on the 8-month ship deployment, making two families blend and merging households.) They both love each other through the good and the bad. They compromise. They take care of one another and they have a great time together.)
