You know the dream where you’re in a room full of people and you’re not dressed? Well, that’s how vulnerable I feel writing this post. Years ago, moments before I hit the “create blog” button that cemented my surrendering fear so I could write for God, I promised I would write what He wanted, when He wanted.

And I need to make a confession.

I want to be THAT author.

I want to be the author that when a Facebook group admin asks “what are you reading?” or, “What author are you devouring all their books?”

I want the answer at least once, if not line after line to be “Julie Arduini.”

I want readers in search of characters they could relate to that will inspire them to surrender their own issues to Jesus.

I want readers who enjoy rural settings to discover my heart is to showcase the villages and small cities across Upstate NY, the places I lived and visited for over 30 years.

I want them to close that last page and run to their electronic device so they can post a positive review on Amazon.

There, I said it.

If there is good news about my confession, I don’t dream about my short, chubby self as a cardboard cutout at Barnes and Noble. I don’t care about bestseller lists or awards.

Here’s the best part about my confession. One, God knows. He also has a plan, and it is why I exist, and it goes way beyond writing. Yet it involves writing, and I think it’s why I’m impatient and longing to see the above things in motion.

Writing is the door God will use, I believe, opportunities for me to speak. Again, I’m not about selling out arenas or anything like that. My favorite places to speak are the MOPS groups, those are my people. Where ever He sends me, I will most likely talk about the books. When I finish, most of the ladies will leave, and that’s okay. Those that stay, that remnant, they will ask questions. Or confess. Or ask for prayer.

And when I obey and pray, THAT is why I’m on earth. I believe that with all my heart. Is the very reason I write. I believe lives will be transformed because God will use me. I’m willing. I’m ready.

So, that’s the ugly truth and the hopeful promise. I’m antsy, and it’s hard when I see those questions come up and my name isn’t there. The names that are? I love their work. They belong in those answers. And by faith, I believe one day my name will be there as well.

Am I the only one who thinks this way? Are their other careers where there are similar hopes? I’d love to hear from you!

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The heroine in Entrusted, Jenna Anderson, is a girl after my own heart. She’s a real go-getter and when things don’t go the way she hopes, she usually takes it out on her mocha. I’d love for you to read her story!