Hello, Everyone.
Just wanted to let you know that over the next two weeks, we’ll be redesigning our site and getting a spiffy new look. The christiansread.com url will be down off and on during that time, but you can always reach the blog posts at: https://christiansread.wordpress.com.
Letting you know so that it doesn’t surprise you. Know that we’ll be moving as quickly as possible to transition.
Blessings,
Vicki Hinze
The other day I had a brief email chat with a friend about the emotional life most writers experience. Writers as a group generally tend to be on the sensitive side. My friend mentioned how hard it is to open yourself up to possible rejection, which is a feeling all writers experience in one way or another sooner or later. My first reaction was to remind her God didn’t necessarily create us just so we could be happy. If that were the case then everyone would come to God just for the happy bucket and faith would be unnecessary.
I also reminded her of the old Campus Crusade pamphlet with the image of a train. The locomotive/engine is Fact (The Word of God) and the coal car fueling that fact is Faith. Emotions come last, as the little caboose tagging along for life’s ride.
As soon as I finished minimizing the importance of our emotional lives, I remembered that she happens to be writing a wonderful book on Joy – a very real human emotion. Of course God does want us to have an abundant life (John 10:10), and Paul set an example for us to learn to be content in all circumstances (Philippians 4:11). In fact, one of the fruits of the spirit is joy (Galatians 5:22). So obviously part of life is to experience emotion. Emotions can be a great blessing.
But our culture seems to see happiness as the most important thing in life. Ask many parents nowadays what they want for their children and a number of them would probably say they just want their kids to be happy. Is that really the most important thing we should hope for our children? What about a faith-filled, responsible life of integrity? Wouldn’t happiness come as a result of a fruitful, meaningful life—as a byproduct, so to speak, of a life well lived?
I guess I’m thoughtful about happiness because it’s easy to fall into a trap. Eat this, it’ll make you happy. Watch this movie, it’ll leave you happy. Buy this product, it’ll make you happy. Even . . . dare I say this to another faithful reader: read this book, it’ll bring you happiness.
That’s all well and good, and some of those promises may come true, at least on a temporary basis. But I still maintain that happiness shouldn’t be our main goal in life. Sometimes eating the wrong thing that tastes good is bad for us. Or watching a movie that doesn’t fill our mind with the best images, or buying something we can’t afford, or even reading a book that might not be something we should let muddy our minds. Happiness can sometimes be self-indulgent.
However, I didn’t start this post with the idea of chastising anyone, myself included. I’m not even sure I’m totally on board a train analogy that puts so little value in emotions, since we were obviously created as emotional beings. Emotions, if we can, should be filtered through fact and reason, but they certainly play a huge part in every human life.
I was thinking about a little joy I felt today when a book was delivered to my door. It’s just want I need to help me research my current project. When the Postal Truck pulled up I watched with interest as she put a few things into the postal box on the road . . . but when I saw her add that flat cardboard container I burst into a full-fledged smile. My book arrived!
Ah, those little joys in life shouldn’t be taken for granted, should they?
I’ve been blogging about love and romance lately because that’s what I write about in my day job, but this morning it occurred to me that I have also written about the fallout of a dead romance–divorce. Tragically, love dies far too often, and those hit by it are left floundering in an effort to put their lives back together again. It seems each person I’ve talked to lately, believer or nonbeliever, has gone through the horrible experience. Since I’ve endured the pain of being rejected by a spouse and fought the long fight of divorce, maybe I can give comfort and a little direction to someone reading this who has experienced divorce, or knows someone going through it.
First of all, I hope this doesn’t offend anyone who has lost a mate to death, but the victim of a divorce has experienced not only the death of a marriage, but rejection from the one person in the world who was supposed to know and love them more than anyone else. It’s like a double death. It cuts a person to the core and takes a chunk out of their confidence. My comfort for anyone at this stage is to resist the devil and he will flee, because he is the one whispering to you that you’re unworthy. You’re no less a person now than you were when your spouse married you. There are multiple reasons–hundreds to thousands of reasons–for someone to ask for a divorce, but my comfort has been that the person who divorced me was unable to work through his own personal difficulties, much less work through the difficulties of making a strong marriage. Maybe the two of you didn’t take time to get to know one another well before marriage. Whatever the reason, divorce is seldom about one person, but about two people being unable to make a relationship work.
If you’ve been rejected by a spouse, particularly when that spouse leaves you for someone else, you’re left wondering what’s unacceptable about you. What’s lacking? What did you do? If only you could go back and do it over, find out what they really wanted, and do that thing, then this wouldn’t have happened. Recognize this? It’s one of the much-touted five stages of grief. You’re bargaining to get your spouse back. You will likely endure all five stages at different times for many months, even years. You might be in a hurry to find someone else and plunge back into marriage. Don’t! This could easily lead to yet another divorce, and believe me, the second one is even more devastating than the first. The time after a divorce should be an opportunity for you to heal, find someone who can counsel with you, discover what could have been done differently. Take a divorce recovery class, grow strong within yourself so that, if you remarry, you’re better prepared to make sure the next relationship works.
If you’ve been rejected by a spouse, you might be losing your home, you will likely be losing your way of life, and you might be cut off financially–spousal support and child support can end up being empty promises, and you are forced to find an attorney to help you fight for them. Most vital, if you have children, you might fear losing them, as well. I recall wanting to crawl into a hole at this stage and never come out again. If you’re enduring this stage, you’re either gaining weight because eating is a comfort, or you’re losing weight because you’ve lost your appetite. You might be developing stomach problems from the stress, and you might even lose your temper more and more often-yet another stage of grief. You must remember you are not alone. This is normal. Learn to love and accept yourself, and work on growing. Discover your own likes and dislikes. Learn to do activities by yourself until you’re comfortable with yourself.
One small piece of advise I learned when I was helping teach divorce recovery was to pull myself together when I met with my attorney, and go prepared for the appointment. The hardest thing for me to resist was crying, but time with an attorney is expensive, and I needed to be ready with answers to any question I was asked, not waste time weeping. The attorney is not your therapist or confessor, but a legal entity who is there to ensure that you will not find yourself penniless and childless after the ordeal is over. Weep after the meeting, not during.
If you need someone to talk you through this time one-on-one, then find someone who specializes in counseling those going through divorce. Watch yourself, however. You’ve been freshly wounded, and the most natural thing for you to do is attempt to reconnect with someone, anyone. I would suggest finding a therapist not of the opposite sex, and often your friends can walk with you through this. The One who can best help you through this, of course, is always with you, always loves you, always accepts you. Turn to Him, pour out your heart and ask for direction. God is always there for His children.
There are so many more aspects I haven’t covered about the death of a romance. I could write a whole book on the subject, but multiple books have already been written, and I advise you to look for them and read them. Some of the best are written by those who have experienced the loss of divorce, themselves.
Until later, I wish you well, and I wish you healing. It will come. Never forget it always comes.
When I was growing up, I loved to read, but never had the inclination to become a creative writer. I went to college to be a dental hygienist, and while I wouldn’t say a job in dentistry was my dream, I liked the work and looked at helping patients as my destiny.
At the first office I worked in, I met another fellow reader. We’d exchange books and discuss the story lines. One day, my friend uttered these famous words, “We can write a book.” How many times have you heard someone you know make the same claim? Probably multiple times. And truth be told, I was intrigued.
So, not having a clue what a writing career entailed, I dove in. I read books about the craft of writing, as well as the business of writing. Soon, I was actually typing words on a blank page. And while those pages were far from Pulitzer worthy, I began a journey that started as a dream and turned into my destiny.
I now write full-time. The road wasn’t easy. I took workshops. Joined writer groups. Spent hours coming up with plot lines and characters. All while working in the business my husband and I own and raising my daughters. My overnight success took nine years to achieve. And still, I worked part-time even though I couldn’t shake the idea that there was more to the writing career than I knew.
My point is, go after your dream because it can become your destiny! God has given each of us a talent and a purpose. Sometimes we know what the talent is, other time it sneaks up on you, just like the idea of being published came to me. Trust me, during the times when I couldn’t get an editor to look at any proposals, I wanted to quit. But the Spirit of the Lord told me to keep at it. I did. Even when the hope of getting published again looked grim. I decided I would always write, even if it was just to fill the well. But I kept the dream and God’s promise tucked in my heart and suddenly, I began to sell projects again. I have seven published books, two new books will be released this summer and I’m currently working on number ten.
Did I have any idea God had this destiny planned for me? No. I thought I’d be in the dental field my entire life. But once the writing fever took hold, I prayed about it. Asked God to help me with my talent and to open doors. Persistence, faith and a strong dose of stubbornness made my dream come true. If I can do it, you most certainly can.
Seek God. Put yourself out there. And soon, you’ll have your own success story to tell.
Look for Tara’s 2014 releases:
Rival Hearts, Quilts of Love, June 2014
Magnolia Bride, Harlequin Heartwarming, July 2014
http://www.tararandel.com
I’m intrigued with the late night talk show changes and last week I blogged about what I’m learning from Jimmy Fallon. Over the weekend my husband and I took advantage of our Amazon Prime membership and watched a documentary on Johnny Carson.
I’d read about his life and knew quite a bit, but there was something in the show that was news to me.
Johnny’s mom wasn’t even close to being encouraging. In fact, she was so harsh that when he won a prestigious governor’s award and he called her to tell her, her response was, “Well, I guess they know what they are doing.”
Ouch.
His need for her praise was so driven that as the show went on, the writers connected the dots that perhaps his failed marriages, isolation, drinking, and fidelity issues could be traced back to the encouragement he sorely needed from his mom, and never received.
Most artists/entertainers admit the foundation of their comedy or gift came from adversity. Laughter hid their pain and gave them attention. Even if they got in trouble at school, they confessed it was okay. Because at least someone was recognizing them.
I learned a few years ago that if I depend on the praise of man to dictate my joy I’m going to be disappointed. A lot. As a writer seeking publication, that’s an essential truth to embrace. There are going to be rejections. Negative reviews. People who don’t understand the sacrifices of the craft. Loved ones who hear of an accolade and aren’t impressed.
When I finally surrendered my fear of rejection and promised God I’d write for Him, a mentor took me aside and shared what her pastor had taught her.
“Have the heart of a dove, and the skin of a rhino.”
I’ve tried to keep that in mind as my writing life progresses. Watching that documentary and hearing his dear friends admit that as talented as Johnny was, happiness eluded him.
We can’t wait for circumstances for joy, and I turned the TV off feeling sad that a man lived a rich life by the world’s standards to die in what felt sad to me. Isolated. Disappointed. There wasn’t mention of a personal faith. And as wealthy as he was and as generous loved ones found him to be, he couldn’t buy joy.
Whether my writing life reaches platinum levels or stays right where I am, I know this: joy comes from the Lord. He is enough, and He is absolutely enthralled by you. If no one on earth encourages you, let His love comfort you.
You have given me greater joy
than those who have abundant harvests of grain and new wine. Psalm 4:7, NLT
Easter isn’t until late April this year, but I always start thinking about it at the first signs of Spring, and the signs of new life that come with it. (And that happens early here in Southern California where I live!) I wasn’t raised in a Christian home, though it was “back in the day” when the majority of the country still openly celebrated the religious aspects of Christmas and Easter. As a result, I knew at least the basics about those holidays, but I must admit that my primary focus was Santa and the Easter bunny. Therefore, it was no surprise when our third-grade teacher asked us to write an Easter story and mine centered on colored eggs and candy.
What was a surprise, however, was the fact that the teacher thought my story was so well written that she showed it to the principal, who decided to turn it into a play for the entire PTA. Wow, I was stunned! I was also hooked. I think I knew from that moment that I would be a writer one day.
As the years went by, I received other words of encouragement about my writing; I also received rejections, which goes with the territory. But I was so impacted by that third grade teacher and the principal who believed in me that I never gave up pursuing my dream.
I want to be like those two women who spoke encouragement into my life so many years ago, don’t you? Regardless of what a child’s dreams may be, it is so important for us as adults to encourage those dreams and help steer their fulfillment in the right direction. As we approach the coming Season of Lent, let’s ask God to give us opportunities to encourage someone else’s dreams. We never know where those dreams may take them, or how they may impact future generations.
In previous posts, I’ve often written about reading as an escape. Years ago, I read as much nonfiction as fiction. Self-help books, mostly. But these days I’m all about writing and reading fiction. The last few weeks, several family members have been dealing with serious health issues and I feel like my family is under attack. I have never needed an escape more, and as a result I’ve read more books recently than I have in the last few years. Some for endorsement, others for pleasure, and then there are those authors I read to learn more about writing in my genre.
I have never started a book that I didn’t finish, that is, until recently. Maybe that’s because in the past, once I checked out that library book or I bought or borrowed the book, I didn’t have easy access to hundreds of other books that were calling to me. That’s a warning to authors that you’d better draw the reader in and quickly. Now, if I’m not drawn in with the writing or the premise, I have too many other choices.
That said, here are a few of the unforgettable books I’ve read over the last few weeks.
A Season of Change by Lynette Sowell
This is an Amish story, yes, but a different kind of Amish story set in an unusually place. It’s the first Amish book I’ve read in twenty years. That’s right, I don’t usually read Amish, but this author has a way of pulling you in with not only her voice, but with her storytelling. Natalie is a circus worker looking for answers to her past in the Amish community. See what I mean?
Healer of Carthage by Lynne Gentry
Lynne Gentry is one amazing writer, her voice and writing steps above others—but she’s also created a story like no other. A time-travel—sending a doctor to the Roman past, and you can count on the research. This story was a thrilling, historical and romantic ride. Like all my favorite genres woven together.
Stress Test by Richard Mabry
I haven’t read Mabry before, but now I plan to read all his novels. He writes medical romantic thrillers, and he knows his stuff. I love the fast-pace of his novels, and the medical details. The romance is second to the suspense plot and that’s fine by me. I look forward to his upcoming release, Critical Condition.
Thanks for taking the time to read through my recommendation for great escapes.
Blessings!
Elizabeth Goddard
Lately there has been so much talk about the changes in the publishing world that it seemed as if everyone must see those changes. Perhaps the Internet was the beginning, with a move from brick and mortar stores to online retailers, including the ready availability of reviews by which many readers decide whether or not to purchase. The opportunity to move from exclusively paper bound books to digital reading was the next big shift, leading to further consolidation of publishers. It’s also led to price changes; cover changes to fit a digital market; a growing number of small publishers; a growing number of self-publishers as well as writers who work with publishers and who also self-publish. The list of changes can go on and on and on.
But if I were to talk to my sister, an avid reader who cares only about a good read and not at all about the business end of things, she would say she wasn’t even aware of many things on that list. She enjoys digital books, more reader-friendly prices, but that’s about it. How do I know this? Because when she mentions a good book to me and I ask about details, all she can tell me is the title and the author. She notices book covers but it doesn’t get in the way if she doesn’t like it, especially if someone has recommended the book to her. She likes having a book loaned to her (harder to do in digital format) but likes not paying full price for trade or worse, hardback prices.
She has never cared about which publisher puts out a book, whether it’s traditionally or independently published, whether it’s a translation or not, even whether it’s a bestseller or not. She only cares about the story.
When talking to other readers, it seems obvious they don’t care much about the business end of things, either. In fact, these days many readers assume if you’ve written a book you must have paid to put it out there. If they learn a “real” publisher paid for everything the next assumption is that the writer has made a lot of money from the project.
When I talk to other writers, though, everyone feels the ground shifting beneath us. For the most part writers seem to be optimistic, at least the ones I’ve talked to. Going “indie” has some appeal (self-publishing) particularly for writers who already have a few readers looking for a particular author’s next book, a ready-made audience. I’m not sure publishers or agents feel quite as optimistic, but the fact is traditional publishing continues to hold a certain amount of status, meticulous editing (most of the time), wonderful covers (most of the time), better distribution (most of the time).
That status, though, is mainly noticed among writers. Readers just want a good story!
Am I right?
This past weekend, I read a book for an endorsement, written for the general market by Skye Taylor. The book was about a couple falling in love. Both had challenging past issues and complicated present lives. Both suffered stunning disregard by people who purported loved them. How quick others were to deem what was right and wrong and just and morally acceptable for these two. While they had every reason to feel put upon and, well, like martyrs, they didn’t. They rose to the challenges and made the effort to do what was right. Not easy or convenient, and not right just for themselves, but for all.
I loved that. I finished the book at nearly one this morning, then went off to bed, thoughtful and well pleased with the book. It enabled me to forget I write for a time, and as any writer can tell you, it’s hard to read for pleasure and not think like a writer when reading. So when it happens, it’s thrilling. And because it happened, I could really get the messages in the book. I loved that, too.
Fallen Rose
For the past two months, I’ve had a dear friend tapping at death’s door. This morning, death answered and she has now gone home. When I lose someone close, I always feel so divided, much like one of the character’s in Miss Taylor’s book. There is the way I feel I’m supposed to react–the celebration because she isn’t at home here but is now truly at home. The surety that all in Heaven were waiting with open arms to welcome her. The relief that the suffering is over and the pain endured here is in the past.
And there’s the way I do react. That very human part of me that struggles still with letting go–for totally selfish reasons. I will miss her. Her humor. Her caring ways. Her penchant for making lemonade. If there was an upside to be found, she would and did find it. And no slacking because something was hard. No, ma’am. You deal with it. Now.
As we grow older, the inner circle of those we know well, and those who know us well and find it in their hearts to love us in spite of our many flaws, dwindles. It’s natural, normal, inherent to the circle of life and a reminder to us all that we’re here for a twinkling.
While we understand and accept our place in this world and the one to come, it doesn’t diminish the value we place on those here with us. To mourn them isn’t an expression of a lack of trust or faith. It’s acknowledgement that while here, the deceased made a difference in our lives. The role played was significant to us. We respect it, and we will miss them.
The pragmatic female lead in Ms. Taylor’s book drove that home to me this weekend. And this morning I learned that my friend had slipped away during the night.
My point is a simple one. The book touched me at a time I needed to be touched. I needed the reminder about the normality of reality, and that acceptance and being accepted opens hearts to healing wounds. All manner of wounds.
In the rush of daily life, it’s easy to forget the potential for books to touch lives. And for that reminder, I thank Ms. Taylor and my friend. Like life, love and loss are often complicated and messy and maybe that’s what makes them such a blessing.
In the book, the characters loved well. By its end, they were also loved well. My friend loved well and was well loved.
There’s an innocent beauty in that. A reassuring certainty about taking on the challenges warning us to close our hearts to prevent being hurt or experiencing pain and ignoring those warnings and opening our hearts anyway. Loving anyway. And doing it knowing the risks, knowing loss is possible.
Perhaps it does take courage to love and suffer loss–to truly experience either, I mean.
But it takes perhaps even more courage to willingly do either knowing pain is possible. And maybe, just maybe, the wisdom shared in books like Ms. Taylor’s remind us at just the right moment of why we should continue to open our hearts.
I like to think that’s the case. It’s like a divine hug, a blessing. It’s reassurance of what we need being provided to us when we need it. I feel that way today, and it is humbling and welcome.
Has a book appeared in your life and touched you when you most needed touching? Helped you through a hard time? Given you insight or guidance when you faced a challenge?
If so, I hope you’ll share it in the comments.
Blessings,
Vicki
“Show me the wonders of your great love.” –Psalm 17:7
At one of my lowest points, and after I’d exhausted all my human efforts, I put my troubles in a box, wrapped it in white paper, tied it with a red satin ribbon and in my prayer and thoughts gave it to Jesus. I needed him to show me he cared (as if he hadn’t already throughout my life).
And he did.
First it came in a sense of peace with my surrender.
Sometimes that is answer enough.
But he did more and worked out a solution for a particular problem which I could take credit for in no way, but through him.
He is my shepherd.
“Acknowledge that the Lord is God.
He made us, and we are his.
We are his people, the sheep of his pasture.”
(Psalm 100:3)
I am his sheep.
“We are the people he watches over.
The sheep under his care.”
(Psalm 95:7)
Jesus loves me.
“Greater love has no man,
than to lay down his life for his friends.”
(John 15:13)
What is love?
“There are three things that will endure—
faith, hope, and love—
and the greatest of these is love.”
(1 Corinthians 13:13)
HAPPY LOVE DAY!
So far 2014 has been full of reading for me. It’s a combination of a lot of book reviews due around the same time, a harsh winter, and well, I love reading. My next review is on Valentine’s Day, Rachel Hauck’s Princess Ever After. As I read, it hit me.
Women love a princess story.
We know girls do. Disney has made a fortune and a legacy banking on that truth. Whether they were born into royalty or married that prince after growing up with some adversity, girls love the movies and merchandise that offer a royal story.
But I’m 40-something.
And I have to confess, I’m as wrapped up in the swoon of an average girl watching love all around her only to find it for herself in the form of a prince. Or a castle that belongs to her, and she finds the prince. Then there are the gowns. There’s the tension of having to choose between a man or a kingdom. Reading about the villain who plots to take away everything for the good of self, while the princess fights for the good of people.
Why is the royal premise as alluring for me now as it was when I was a girl?
I gave it some thought, and here’s what I came up with.
How about you? Do you enjoy a royal love story? Why or why not?
If you’d like to read my review of Princess Ever After, visit juliearduini.com on Friday.
***
Have you signed up for the Julie Arduini newsletter? On February 14th subscribers receive the first installment of my contemporary romance, Match Made in Heaven.
Beth Prescott realizes there’s more to her new job with the Hammondsport senior citizens when her clients keep trying to match her with their grandsons. She wants to excel at her job and push past the memories of a bad romance.
Dean Kellerman returns to the area to help his grandfather and forget his mistakes.
The two run into each other and find the only thing they have in common is Walt Kellerman. As they work together can they enjoy a friendship, or, will their secrets divide them once and for all?
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Over and over again I am presented with people who suffer due to what goes on in their minds. In fact, one might say that the history of the human race is mostly centered on a battle for the mind. God has made it clear that what we think releases power to bring forth good in one’s life or to destroy it. Proverbs 16:32 states: “He who rules his spirit [is better] than he who takes a city.” Proverbs 23:7 says: “As he thinks in his heart, so is he.” Yet, the situation of life is this: Sometimes we think thoughts that are untrue. We believe lies that have been perpetrated from within about ourselves and about the world around us. These thoughts result in worry, fear, and anxiety, lead to division and strife, and/or stop us from moving forward with the things God has in store for us. Sometimes we think unjust thoughts about God, about ourselves and about others. And, sometimes there are un-pure sexual or other ungodly thoughts that enter into a person’s mind that separate them from experiencing the life of God. Yet, it seems that we are not in complete control of what thoughts enter into our heads. So, what can we do?
Of course, we can guard the gateways to our soul – our eyes and ears – limiting, images and sound bites that record into our computer-like brains. Still, there are thoughts that enter even when one has never seen or heard anything other than good. For instance, I can remember when my grandson had a nightmare as a very young child. Although he had never seen a scary movie of any kind or been exposed to anything we would consider ungodly, he saw images in that dream that he had never seen before that were frightening. Where did these come from?
I have concluded from my study of life and Scripture that we are all born with a sin nature (Romans 5:12). Therefore, sinful, disturbing, and destructive thoughts are generated from within us at times. I also believe that our enemy – the enemy of our Creator – that old serpent, the devil – plants thoughts in our minds. Have you ever experienced a passing thought that you questioned, “where in the world did that come from?” I do not believe God reckons these to the Christian believer as practicing or living a sinful life when let go of. However, these thoughts need to be controlled if we are to live free from the negative results they can bring. Yes, when we have ungodly or worrisome thoughts, we can choose what to do with them. We can choose to meditate upon them (think on and roll over and over in our minds, consider) or, we can choose to put them where they belong – into the trash bin. It is the thoughts we keep and meditate upon that have the power to bring success or the unwanted problems and suffering into our lives. Psalm 1:1-3 declares the power of meditation. Particularly notice the results of meditating upon the counsel of the Lord as stated in verse 3.
“How blessed is the man who does not walk in the counsel of the wicked,
Nor stand in the path of sinners,
Nor sit in the seat of scoffers!
2 But his delight is in the law of the Lord,
And in His law he meditates day and night.
3 He will be like a tree firmly planted by streams of water,
Which yields its fruit in its season
And its leaf does not wither;
And in whatever he does, he prospers.”
We can replace our ungodly and unwanted thoughts. We can take them captive to the obedience of Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5). This means we can replace our thoughts with thoughts of Christ, thoughts of His obedience to the cross, and the results of that obedience. We do this through meditating (thinking and rolling over and over in our minds) the Scriptures, and the good and perfect things of life. Philippians 4:8 also gives us clear guidance in this area: “Whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable; if anything is excellent or praiseworthy, think about such things.” Isaiah said, “You will keep him in perfect peace, whose mind is stayed on You, because he trusts in You” (Isaiah 26:3).
What you believe is important. The thoughts you roll over and over in your mind will either bring life or destruction. Will you choose to surrender your mind to Christ and His lordship?
When it comes to writing, I guess I’m an irritated oyster. I’ll be going along and realize there’s something inside that’s a little rough, a little edgy. It doesn’t sit right. It feels wrong. I take a look. Sure enough, there’s an issue or something that simply could be better. (See previous blog on good enough) Having located the irritant, I get to work and something new begins to take form, a pearlescent layer that improves some aspect but leads to another. With a little work another layer forms, then another and another, each one bringing a fuller, richer gleam.
Here’s an example from my work in (endless) progress. Years ago when I wrote my first series, I had a Native American character that I made Comanche. At the time, research materials were sparse. I knew the Comanche were a particularly feared tribe and thought that added contrast for this character who plays a noble role. In rewriting the series, I now have access to the truly horrific practices of this tribe, so for story reasons, I no longer felt it the best choice.
After researching the natives who had at least some presence in the Colorado territory, I settled on Jicarilla Apache—also scary and skilled in warfare but not as given to torture, especially of a sexual nature, as the Comanche. Having made the decision, I then sought out everything I could find. Many sites read like a tourist trading post, but some yielded documents with substance. For days I delved, getting a feel for the Jicarilla as a people. One book written by someone who spent time among them in 1845 yielded anecdotes, customs, and conversations from his personal interactions. I’ll draw from these to enrich later books as well. For now, I needed to establish my character.
As I had called him Grey Wolf, which was also the name of a Comanche chief of some renown, this too had to change. So I began a name search. Slogging through Native American baby names, I found Cherokee, Cheyenne, Lakota etc., but not a single name of Apache derivation. In tribal sites I found vocabulary I could combine like colors and animals but that still didn’t feel right. Digging deeper I found an account that explained that Apache boys/men were mainly unnamed until an attribute or a particular feat set them apart. (The women were rarely named at all)
In spite of this seeming impediment, I got excited. The wheels started turning. What might my character have done to be named? What would the name be and what did that say about him? This minor character wanted flesh, a story within a story.
Then I found a Jicarilla Apache text on Internet Archive openlibrary.org that gave the actual Jicarilla language with an English translation beneath the words. Since I’m in love with languages, there will now be a smattering of Jicarilla in the story. And the English was as useful in its oddity. For instance: “There girl pretty. Then these men to her many gathered.” LOL. I am loving this.
Today I had the joy of incorporating my discoveries into the story. It was a few pages of prose and dialogue that brought Many Elk (Ts’ĩ Nes Kĩ Na Da Dzes meaning He Lay Down With Many Elk) and my heroine to life in a scene that was okay but now has a luminescence I wanted to give it.
So, there in excruciating detail is one tiny part of my process. Hopefully when this oyster opens, there will be a pearl some will appreciate for its depth, hues, tones, and the struggle that produced it.
I have a friend who set a daily writing goal of 1,000 words per day. For her that means fiction writing, so a blog post like this wouldn’t count, or any other social networking writing. A thousand words per day may not sound very daunting, at least to those who can whip out 10,000 or more on a good day. That’s not to say she doesn’t have some days when she’ll write far more words and spend the following day with other pursuits. But the average goal must be met because it’s really 365,000 words in a year that she’s after—meaning several projects can be completed.
My daughter used to read a book a day when she took public transportation to and from work. She had an hour-long bus ride in the morning, another hour in the evening, and often an entire hour at lunch that she could spend reading. She would also finish her day with a book at home after dinner or before bed. For a fast reader like her, she could finish even a hefty book in a day or two.
I’m neither a fast writer nor a fast reader. My personal goal for writing is around 2,000 words per day, but I rarely work weekends because there are just too many distractions, and I take a sabbath rest from sundown Saturday until sundown Sunday. But for me, that’s enough progress to feel like I’m accomplishing something—and entire books do get finished this way.
For reading, I save that for the end of my day. There are some days when I read only a page or two before my eyelids get heavy, but there are others (particularly on weekends!) when I can read quite a chunk. I’m certainly not reading the number of books my daughter read when she had three+ hours per day, but I still escape into another world on a regular basis and benefit from it in so many ways (enjoyment, education, honing my own love of the craft)
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We all define progress in our own way; what works for me may not work for you, and vice versa. But if we make time for the things that are important to us, progress is bound to happen.
So carve out a little time for the things that are important to you. Progress happens!
This is a true incident, so some points were changed to protect identities.
I was talking with a friend lately about the language of love. He’s seeing someone who is kind, witty, and always telling him how much she enjoys his company, how attractive he is, how much fun he is. My friend–we’ll call him Walter–very much enjoys Muriel’s (I’m calling her Muriel 😉 ) company. She’s generous with her time, cooks fabulous meals for him and wants him to meet her family.
He’s holding back. I asked why. You know we often talk about battered women in broken relationships, but men can be verbally abused–even physically abused–by their wives. It’s happened. Walter, a widower, is afraid to test the waters again. Who could blame him? But he doesn’t want to live the rest of his life alone, so he started dating again, but he’s hesitant to get too close because Muriel might turn out to be like his late wife. He doesn’t believe in divorce.
Walter is uncomfortable when Muriel says sweet things to him–“You’re a wonderful man…I love your eyes…you’re so much fun…I love you…” Yeah, scary to get that close, and because the tendency for verbally abusive people is to say sweet things to their victim, then undercut them with a slice of venom–“Of course, you’re a pathetic loser”–Walter keeps waiting for the follow-up he got for nearly thirty years.
“But you don’t get the follow-up, do you?” I asked.
“No. It’s never come, I just expect it to,” he said.
“And you like Muriel, right?”
“Oh, yes. She’s a wonderful woman, and I enjoy her company so much, but it makes me uncomfortable because she’s always saying such sweet things to me, and she’s getting too serious.”
“If she truly loves you,” I said, “she’ll wait until you’re ready. Don’t let her push you. On the other hand, it sounds to me as if words of affirmation, from the Five Love Languages, are her way of showing her affection. If that’s the case, then you can encourage her friendship by speaking words of affirmation to her, even while you’re asking her to move more slowly.”
“But wouldn’t that just lead her on?” he asked.
“Not if you’re honest with her about how you feel. You can tell her the truth about how you feel about her–which is friendship and affection. From the time Mel and I met until he told me he loved me, it was almost a year and a half. I had to wait to hear those words. If I can wait, so can Muriel, but we eventually did get married, and now I hear those words every day.”
“Okay, gotcha. Say nice things to her.”
“Not just nice things,” I said. “Tell her how you feel about her beauty, her cooking, anything complimentary that is true, but also tell her the truth, that you need to move more slowly.”
I’m a firm believer in trying to speak the language of love as often as possible to my husband. I also believe that words of affirmation are helpful for any relationship–as long as they’re honest, and not being used to manipulate. If I like a friend’s novel, I’ll tell her. If I like a hairstyle, blouse, someone’s laughter or smile, if the situation calls for it, I’ll speak up about it. Everyone can use more words of affirmation. I think in a relationship, even if the other person’s love language is something else. words of affirmation can give anyone a lift and a new view of themselves, fresh encouragement, and joy.
Try it on someone today. Tell them how much you appreciate them, how you love their honesty, their kindness, or whatever else you admire about them. Done appropriately, it can make their day better.
VICKI HINZE
TARA RANDEL
NANCY J FERRIER
MARY ALFORD
PATRICIA BRADLEY
PEGGY WEBB
ANN MALLEY
JULIE ARDUINI
JAMES R.COGGINS
KATHY CARMICHAEL
NORA ST LAURENT
DELORES TOPLIFF
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VICKI HINZE
TARA RANDEL
HANNAH ALEXANDER
HANNAH ALEXANDER
MARY ALFORD
JULIE ARDUINI
MAUREEN LANG
MARGARET DALEY
LOUISE M GOUGE
YVONNE LEHMAN
JUDITH MILLER
ELIZABETH GODDARD
CAMY TANG
JAMES L. RUBART
KRISTEN HEITZMANN
SARAH GOEBEL
KATHI MACIAS
YVONNE ORTEGA
LYNETTE SOWELL
SUSAN MAY WARREN
JEN PHOEBUS
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