Embracing the Chaos…

This is not a time for writing. That’s hard for me because writing is my happy place.  I’m keeping a toe in the water by helping a screenplay writer turn her screenplay into a book.  But otherwise, it’s not a time for creating.  The other day, I heard this on “America’s Got Talent” — the singer, Michael Ketterer, had adopted several kids out of the foster system because he said, “When you’re always surviving, you can’t dream.”

That’s how I feel right now about writing.  Creativity must go away because I’m in survival mode, but I don’t want to miss the moment. When God has you in a spot, you have to stop and ask why.  What can I learn from this experience?  I don’t want to miss the joy in it! And there has to be some joy.  Right?

My daughter is graduating high school this week.  She’s my baby and she had a lot of learning disabilities growing up.  She came home with all her work since kindergarten in a thick brown folder.  In it there were all the letters I’d written to teachers, administrators, doctors etc., to force an IEP (individualized education plan) for her.  Without that IEP and the help she’s gotten, my daughter wouldn’t be graduating.

As she read through some of the letters out loud, I said, “Don’t read anymore.  I don’t want to go back there.” During that time, I was just surviving.  I had four young children and a daughter who required a lot of energy.  Some of the paperwork said things like, “She finally turned her homework folder in, but none of the homework was in it.”

That’s because I was at home choosing my battles.  Getting Elle to school was the priority.  It took everything in her to make it though a school day and she came home most days and just exploded from holding it together all day.  Fast-forward 12 years and many amazing teachers later and my daughter is a star!

She has a job that she loves at Petco working with animals (socializing the chameleons to make them great pets was her favorite part of the job.) She’s moving to another state to attend a hair academy and be in her beloved nature. And she has a lovely boyfriend for going on four years. And she is a HIGH SCHOOL GRADUATE!!!

60589639_10156952638736251_404739554558345216_oSo it hasn’t been my time to write.  Currently, I’m living in 600 square feet with 2 adult children and a dog (who is wearing the cone of shame for a leg injury.) One child is moving in for the summer so he can lifeguard while home from college.  The other is moving out for her next phase of life and my place is a disaster and full of boxes and chaos!

Yet, I don’t want to miss any of it.  This is what it’s all about.  As a family, we survived some really tough times and we thrived.  That stuffed folder from Elle’s school proves it.  We made it! Of course, my goal is to get back to the keyboard and finish my current book (The Wentworth Heiresses) but until then, I’m going to embrace the chaos.

Saint Paul took 11 years to study before God sent him out to preach the Gospel.  If God can hold up Paul, I think I can deal with my own life pause.  So this is my reminder to embrace the chaos.  It won’t disrupt God’s plans for your life either!

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2 Responses to Embracing the Chaos…

  1. Yes, Kristin, embrace the chaos and thrive, but as soon as you type that next word, I want to know!


  2. Nancy J. Farrier says:

    Thank you for this post, for the encouragement and reminder. I am in a place of waiting and it’s so hard. I don’t want to run ahead of God, and I’m trying to listen and learn from Him. But, waiting is hard when you really want to do. Thank you.


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