Blind! I’m going to go blind.
The thought swirled through my mind in a nauseating repeat. Yesterday the ophthalmologist confirmed the diagnosis that I had glaucoma. No cure. No going back. Possible blindness.
I sailed through the first day after receiving the news. I can do this. I’ll trust God and all will be well. Today was a different story. It was a Friday. My husband left for the weekend and the emptiness of the house echoed my fear, pinging the negative possibilities back at me until I curled into a ball on the couch.
The thought of never seeing my grandson’s smile. Not seeing my beautiful kids. No more sunsets. The flowers in so many colors. The stars at night or the moon in its full glory. I couldn’t face the thought of losing all this beauty I treasured.
My pity party was in full swing with all the bells and whistles. Cute hats. Noisemakers. Punch and cake. I had it all. All by myself.
Yet, in the midst of my whining, I kept hearing a voice. A voice I tried to ignore because this was a party for one. A superb party. But God proved more loving and persistent than my negativity. I finally settled down enough to listen to His simple question.
“What about Me?”
The party faded. Truth swept the mess away. How had I allowed my negative thoughts to take me to this self-centered place where I hadn’t even thought of God and all He could do. I may have a diagnosis of glaucoma. There may be no cure known to science. But God! God is in charge of my life. He orders my footsteps and cares for me more than I can ever realize.
I don’t know why it’s so much easier in times of stress or trauma to think negatively instead of seeing the positive side. No matter how I try to consider God first, there are still times when I end up in one of those pity parties when I should be having a praise party. I also know I’m not alone.
In I Kings 18 and 19, Elijah comes up against the 400 prophets of Baal and sees the Lord do a great work. Amazing things happen. But in Chapter 19 when Elijah’s life is threatened, he immediately slips into negative thinking and asks the Lord to just let him die.
In Esther 4, we see that Esther learns of the edict signed by her husband, the king, that all the Jews will be put to death. Instead of acting in faith, her first reaction is fear that she will die if she approaches the king.
In John 11, Jesus friend Lazarus dies. When Jesus comes to the house with his disciples, Martha, the sister of Lazarus, rushes out and instead of asking in faith what Jesus can do, she accuses him of not being there for Lazarus and of being the reason Lazarus is dead.
These are only a few examples from scripture. Every one of them are there to show how God ends up working in the lives of these negative thinking people. We’ve all been there, having a moment when circumstances are overwhelming and we forget what our God can do.
I find it very discouraging when I have a time of negativity, yet each time when I am reminded of Who God is and His provision for me, I am strengthened in my faith. With His help I can overcome that negative thinking and become positive about God’s sovereignty.
Jesus, talking to his disciples says, “…In the world you will have tribulation; but be of good cheer, I have overcome the world.” John 16:33
I know that no matter where I am at, or what I am going through, God is there with me. There is nowhere I go that He can’t find me and whisper in my ear, “What about Me?”
Where can I go from Your Spirit? Or where can I flee from Your presence?
If I ascend into heaven, You are there; If I make my bed in hell, behold, You are there.
If I take the wings of the morning, And dwell in the uttermost parts of the sea,
Even there Your hand shall lead me, And Your right hand shall hold me.
If I say, “Surely the darkness shall fall on me,” Even the night shall be light about me;
Indeed, the darkness shall not hide from You, But the night shines as the day; The darkness and the light are both alike to You. Psalm 139:7-12 (NKJV)