Don’t Speak For Me by Nancy J. Farrier

I rarely speak out on any controversial issue, but there is one where I always feel targeted. The proponents of the issue act like they speak for me, but they don’t. This issue is on abortion, specifically when they talk about doing an abortion to save the life of the mother, or if something is wrong with the baby. Below are my thoughts.

Don’t speak for me—You weren’t there.

You weren’t there when I found out there was something wrong with my baby. When in the crush of fear and despair, my doctor and medical professionals assured me this could be taken care of by abortion. When they pressured me to get further testing to see just what was wrong—tests which could endanger my, child—and then I could make a more informed decision.

You weren’t there when I wept before the Lord and lifted up my baby to Him. When I never once doubted Psalm 139:13-16, that God was forming this baby in my womb and His ways are always perfect. When I never for a moment considered abortion as an option.

You weren’t there when I struggled with sickness and weakness for the whole pregnancy. When I went from being pretty athletic to pushing myself to walk two hundred yards to the mailbox. When I lost weight during the pregnancy instead of gaining. When I suffered from one infection after another, draining me physically and emotionally. When I wept, concerned that my sickness was harming my child, this gift from God.

You weren’t there when every other time I went to the doctor he had some dire news to give me. Something more that was wrong with the baby. Down’s syndrome. Kidney failure. Low birth weight. Problems with the amniotic fluid. When the doctor yelled at me—something to the effect that – “How can you expect me to save you if you won’t do what I want?” He wanted me to “terminate the pregnancy.”

You weren’t there when, at the six-month mark, the baby quit moving much at all. When I had to find child care and drive ninety minutes to the hospital two to three times a week to have them check that the baby was still alive. Then drive ninety minutes back home, often so exhausted I didn’t know how I would be able to fix supper for my husband and four children let alone do all the other necessities that come with a family.

You weren’t there when I would have to count the baby’s movements for a period of time and lie down if the count wasn’t high enough. When I would force myself to eat food I didn’t want. When I would place my hands over the baby and pray so hard, often crying, begging God for His will for my child.

You weren’t there when they decided time was close enough they would induce labor because the pregnancy was having so many problems. When I tried to argue but didn’t have the strength or the will to fight any more.

You weren’t there the night before I went to the hospital. When I fixed my favorite meal. When I watched my other children and could barely swallow anything fearing what would happen the next day. When I wondered if I would even be able to embrace these precious children again, to tell them I loved them one more time, to feel their arms around my neck. When my heart grieved as I trusted God.

You weren’t there when my husband and I drove to the hospital. When I was almost too tired to hold up my head. When I looked at him and thought this would be the last time we would ride in the car together. When I wondered how he would manage with a newborn and four children. When I knew he was strong enough, and God is faithful and trustworthy.

You weren’t there when I had no regrets about the pregnancy. When I accepted I would give my life for this child and do so gladly. My only regret—that I wouldn’t be there to hold this baby, to take care of my other children. When I loved them all more than life itself.

You weren’t there when the time came for delivery. When the birthing room was so crowded with medical equipment and medical professionals that not one more would fit through the door. When the whole room seemed to pause as my baby made an entrance into the world.

You weren’t there to see my little girl draw her first breath, fist raised in the air. To see the awe on the doctor’s face, on the other medical professionals as they all realized my daughter was perfect, small but perfect. As they wheeled their equipment out murmuring among themselves in tones of amazement.

You weren’t there to see my little girl grow into a caring, compassionate young woman. To see her off on mission trips. To see her act and sing in a college musical. To hear her in the college choir, or to hear her sing with the church worship team.

You weren’t there to see her walk forward to receive her diploma as she graduated magna cum laude with a degree in plant sciences. When she got her dream job in a prestigious garden. 

You weren’t there—So don’t speak for me.

I’ve been there and will speak for the unborn, for those you cast off as less than or as worthless. I will speak for those mothers who face this choice with bravery. Mothers who have sacrificed their lives for their child. Mothers whose babies only lived a few hours, but they treasured that time. Mothers who chose to give birth to and raise a special needs child.

Don’t speak for me.

You weren’t there.

I was.

About Nancy J. Farrier

Nancy J Farrier is an award-winning author who lives in Southern Arizona in the Sonoran Desert. She loves the Southwest with its interesting historical past. When Nancy isn't writing, she loves to read, do needlecraft, play with her cats, and spend time with her family. Nancy is represented by Tamela Hancock Murray of The Steve Laube Literary Agency. You can read more about Nancy and her books on her website:
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32 Responses to Don’t Speak For Me by Nancy J. Farrier

  1. What a moving post! Brought tears to my eyes and gave me chills. Thank you for sharing your heart!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Gingers219 says:

    Not to be too repetitive, but …

    Liked by 1 person

  3. Amen. As someone who has gone through two difficult pregnancies, I’m loving this post!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Thank you for having the courage to defy medical advice. And thank you for this.

    Liked by 1 person

  5. Linda Goodnight says:

    Beautifully said. I wept all the way through it, agreeing with every single word. Thank you for speaking out. Linda g

    Liked by 2 people

  6. What an amazing story and beautifully said. Praise the Lord for your beautiful miracle. Please never stop telling your story!

    Liked by 1 person

  7. Karen Ball says:

    Well, you’ve done what I thought was impossible: made me respect you even more than I already did. You’re amazing.

    Liked by 2 people

  8. Oh, Nancy, my heart is racing because my son and his wife faced this same type thing when the doctors urged them to abort at 4 months because their baby boy wasn’t normal. They refused, and even with the difficult times she faced, she stood strong. Every problem they listed from Down’s to no rectal opening from the small intestine disappeared from his little body, a perfect boy who is now a strapping 6’4″ and 29 years old. A business major at Baylor earned him a well-paying managerial job.. My heart breaks every time the abortion issue arises.Thank you for sharing your story. I wish more people would stand up for these helpless little ones.

    Liked by 2 people

  9. Linda Landes says:

    Nancy, this blog moved me to tears. Thank you for saying what needed to be said!

    Liked by 1 person

  10. Kristin says:

    Wow. This is so powerful!

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Randy Singer says:

    Beautiful and courageous. What a miracle!

    Liked by 1 person

  12. Love this. Thanks for sharing.

    Liked by 1 person

  13. vertical111 says:

    The doctors, in all of their wisdom and education, did not know what you and the Lord knew!

    Liked by 1 person

  14. Mesu Andrews says:

    Wow, Nancy. Just wow.

    Liked by 1 person

  15. How very beautiful! It breaks my heart to think how many babies who might have been like your daughter were, instead, aborted before they could take their first breath. Thank you for making the sacrifices so that your daughter could have life! And thank you especially for speaking out now for those who cannot speak. God bless you, Nancy.

    Liked by 2 people

  16. Trish Perry says:

    Beautiful, Nancy. So many mothers would suffer as you did for their children after they’re born. So why are many doctors so certain we wouldn’t do it for our unborn? Look how God blessed you for your love. Again, beautiful.

    Liked by 1 person

  17. What a beautiful testimony, Nancy. Thank you for sharing your heart on this subject and the goodness of God to get you and your daughter through all this.

    Liked by 1 person

  18. AMEN.

    I’ll add, “You weren’t the one attacked. You don’t get to make the decision for the resulting child. I was. I do. I choose life.”

    Liked by 1 person

  19. Davalynn Spencer says:

    I wish this could be picked up by a national paper/magazine/talk-show host. So many in our world are not hearing truth, and this is beautiful truth.

    Liked by 1 person

  20. tracybrody says:

    Amen! God is good and strong and nothing is impossible for Him as your daughter proves. It may not seem logical to others, but His ways are not our ways. Thanks for sharing your beautifully expressed thoughts and heart.

    Liked by 1 person

  21. Ronald Tucker says:

    I am so very happy that this child was born healthy and became a great success. Truth is, she would have been a success if she’d been born with Down Syndrome. She is precious.

    Liked by 1 person

  22. Beautiful, Nancy. Thank you for sharing your journey and heart. Some doctor tried to get my daughter to terminate her third pregnancy. Elijah was born three months early and is a thriving almost-ten-year-old in the fourth grade. He is a gifted vocalist, plays the violin, and loves telling jokes.

    Liked by 1 person

  23. Ruth Douthitt says:

    I love your story! THANK YOU for sharing. Whenever I hear feminists scream that abortion should be available to “save the mother’s life” I cringe. You story mirrors my own, except that my high risk pregnancy was my first…and subsequently my last. A nurse practitioner recommended I have an abortion (can you imagine?) to remove the tumors (causing all the medical issues), terminate the baby, and then get pregnant that next year. Ta da! Inconvenience removed, right? Although I was pro-choice back then, I knew I could never have an abortion. So, I was bedridden for over 20 weeks, on pain meds, had a contraction monitor, couldn’t drive, work, exercise, sleep much, or eat much. My husband was demoted at work, so we lived off $6.50 an hour. Could barely buy food. God intervened and our son was born at 40 weeks, 8lbs, 11oz, 21 ” long and healthy. He defied all medical science. Doctors called him the miracle baby. I had all the tumors removed, but they all grew back. Doctors recommended no more children. So, bottom line: Had I listened to that NP, I would have ended the life of my ONLY CHILD. Let that sink in. Here’s to all the moms out there, willing to do whatever it takes to bring their babies into the world. We must pray for those considering abortion right now. May God intervene! I would gladly go through this all over again if it meant preventing ONE woman from having an abortion. Our son is 23 yrs old today. He’s such a blessing.

    Liked by 2 people

  24. Sharee says:

    So incredibly beautiful. Thank you!!

    Liked by 1 person

  25. dustyresilience says:


    Liked by 1 person

  26. Sherry Murchison says:

    Beautiful story Nancy! ♥️

    Liked by 1 person

  27. Alfie says:

    I love happily ever afters. And this kind of happily ever after we rarely hear. Thanks so much for sharing yours. I hope you share it lots and lots because I suspect most people, like me, hear the reason FOR abortion on a very regular basis and rarely get to hear the ‘God knows what he is doing’ ones that could give a woman in a similar situation the hope and strength to leave God in charge of the outcome. Thank you so much, Nancy.

    Liked by 2 people

  28. stacielh says:

    This is such a moving and wonderful post! Thank you for sharing! I totally agree! 🙂

    Liked by 1 person

  29. Lynda S Sanders says:

    This was so well written .. thanks for sharing such a touching extraordinary experience. God bless this very courageous woman. What an awesome example of trusting God. My baby sister went through something like this too. Her first child was born with some physical disabilities. She was told her little girl would only live to be around four or five years old. She did die at around 29 years old. When my sister got pregnant with her second child her doctors recommended that she should have an ambioctic test periodically to make sure this baby did t have any physical problems like his sister. Which of course they would recommend an abortion. My sister and brother in law did think about it. But decided not to have the tests. They had a healthy boy who has a wife and two children now ( my sister is a grandmother).

    Liked by 1 person

  30. Pingback: The Reason for My Convictions by Nancy J. Farrier | Christians Read

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