Writing is like Tennis?

tennis-racket-and-balls

By Marilyn Turk

Last weekend I watched a professional tennis tournament. As a social tennis player, I was amazed at the difference between how the professionals play and how I play I’m sure that most of the spectators shared the same thought I had, “I wish I could play like that.” But then the absurdity of that thought hit me. There are several reasons I don’t play like they do, and many of those reasons could apply to writing as well. Comparing my tennis game to the pros is like comparing my writing to that of best-selling writers. And this is why:

  • Professional tennis players weren’t born professional. They developed their skills over time. Writers too, don’t usually start out writing best sellers. Writing skills must be developed over time. Professional tennis players have been playing much longer than I have. Most best-selling writers have been writing much longer than I have too.
  • Practice, practice, practice. Professional tennis players practice every day. They know that if they want to get better, they must practice. For the same reason, writers should write every day.
  • Professional tennis players try to improve their game. They don’t just play, they try to get better at their sport. In the same way, writers need to try to improve their writing.
  • Professional tennis players listen to their coaches. If a coach tells a player what they do wrong, the player tries to correct. It. Writers have editors and critiquers who tell them what they do wrong, and how to correct their writing. Only by making the changes will a writer improve their writing.
  • A tennis player who wants to increase their ranking must stay focused on the game and not be distracted by things going on around them. Writers, too, need to shut out the distractions so they can focus on their writing.
  • Professional tennis players know their commitment means they must give up other time-consuming habits to play tennis. Writers too, must give up other things, for example, TV, that takes time away from writing.
  • Tennis players sometimes lose games, but they don’t give up. Writers get rejected, but maintaining a positive attitude is essential to progress.
  • Tennis can be lonely for these professionals who travel often, so they bond with other tennis players. Writing too, is a lonely activity, but developing relationships with other writers builds support and camaraderie.

To summarize, to be a good tennis player requires dedication totennis-happy-face the goal. Good writing also requires staying dedicated to the goals of finishing,      improving, and succeeding. If I want my writing to be as good as top writers, I must be willing to make the investment they make. If not, my writing  will never get any better, and I’ll have no excuse to say, “I wish my writing was as good as …………”

“Brothers and sisters, I do not consider myself yet to have taken hold of it. But one thing I do: Forgetting what is behind and straining toward what is ahead, I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.” Philippians 3:13-14 NIV

 

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The case for historical fiction

As a fiction author, I understand that sometimes professional historians have little use for historical novels because they think these books often have no basis in truth. But if the author has done her job, fictional stories can surreptitiously teach readers some wonderful historical facts.

When I was teaching college English and Humanities classes, I attended a faculty meeting during which our department head mentioned he was reading a fascinating book about the flu epidemic of 1918. Everyone around me groaned, but I said, “Cool. What’s the title?” I’m always on the lookout for books that contain important information about the past. One day I might write a book about WWI, and that flu epidemic must not be overlooked. Needless to say, I’m very enthusiastic when it comes to historical details.

120px-San_Antonio_Texas_AlamoI fell in love with history when I was about ten years old and my family visited the Alamo in San Antonio, Texas. There I learned about a few courageous men who stood against a vast army and inspired other Texans to fight for their independence.

At about that same age, I fell in love with fiction when I sawMary_Martin_Peter_Pan_Producers_Showcase_1956 Mary Martin play Peter Pan on black and white television in the 1950s and learned the joys of make-believe. As a teenager, I loved historical novels such as Jane Eyre, The Robe, and Tale of Two Cities. Even the movies I watched were more often historical in nature rather than contemporary: Laurence Olivier’s Pride and Prejudice, Errol Flynn in Robin Hood, and Robert Stack in John Paul Jones.

When I was an English and humanities professor, I was often dismayed by the lack of interest in and knowledge of history among my students. David McCullough, the author of many popular histories, including John Adams and 1776, said, “If we raise generation after generation of young Americans who are historically illiterate, we run a great risk. You can have amnesia as a society, which is just as dangerous as amnesia for an individual.”

Author J. M. Hochstetler says: “The results of history tests taken as part of the National Assessment of Educational Progress (Nation’s Report Card) show that our children aren’t learning some of the basics of our nation’s past. Historians, educators, and even lawmakers are very concerned. They’re afraid that our students are losing touch with the great ideals and principles that are the foundations of who we are. And they’re concerned about what the consequences of this will be for our future.”

But what can be done to remedy the problem?

We can agree that it’s vitally important to teach the truths contained in history so our children can grow up to be responsible, contributing citizens and to ensure that our nation doesn’t fall prey to the mistakes of the past. But in practical fact, how are we going to help students to realize that what happened in the past has everything to do with who they are and the life they’re living today? How can we teach them that history really belongs to them?

Everyone loves a story. When we listen to or read a story, we unconsciously lower our defenses and open our hearts to underlying universal themes such as love and hate, fear and hope, revenge and forgiveness. Well-written, carefully researched historical fiction allows readers to identify with the story’s characters and experience a world that is only outwardly different from their own—in other words, to really GET history on an intimate level and to CARE about it.

With this desire to teach history through my own fiction, my own novels, I have developed a strong conviction about presenting historical facts as accurately as I can.

130px-Cpt_John_Paul_JonesMost of us have no objection to an author telling a story set against a backdrop of actual history for the purpose of entertaining readers. However, if an author or moviemaker decides to twist historical facts to suit some other agenda, those of us who love history are prone to take exception. Above I mentioned the movie John Paul Jones, a biopic of a great American naval patriot who helped the United States win its independence from Britain.

But I must hasten to add that Hollywood has always loved to mess with history. Why tell the fascinating truth about one of America’s first great heroes when you can tangle it up with all sorts of fictional intrigues? John Paul Jones had enough going on in his life without involving him in a love triangle with Patrick Henry and the woman Henry married. And since Benjamin Franklin died in Philadelphia in 1790, he couldn’t have been at Jones’s deathbed in Paris in 1792, as the film shows. Admittedly, John Paul Jones was filmed in 1959. But have the movie makers changed any over the years?

Consider this example of a more recent movie titled, The Aryan Couple, starring Martin Landau, one of my favorite actors. According to movie reviewer Roger Moore of the Orlando Sentinel, “The Aryan Couple is the worst Holocaust movie ever.” Moore reports that the film is riddled with impossibilities for its setting, Nazi-occupied Hungary in 1944. In the story, a wealthy Jewish man has been able not only to avoid being carted off to a concentration camp, but he also still lives a lavish lifestyle in his castle in the country—that late in the war. If a young person attending this movie is interested in learning about the way people lived in WWII, what a distorted and wrong picture they will see. As Moore says, “Hollywood is forever finding new ways to tinker with history.” Unfortunately, many young people learn about history and even great fiction of the past from such films as this one.

Hester_PrynneAnother example of Hollywood gone wrong is a 1995 movie based on Nathaniel Hawthorne’s The Scarlet Letter. The heroine seemed to be taking her cues from the modern feminist movement. Someone said to me, “Well, this is just another telling of the story.” And one of my female students said, “If I’d lived back then, I’d stand up for my rights!” All I can say in response is that, in the time in which this story took place, women who acted out of line were shunned or drowned or hanged or burned as witches. That is history. Another one of my students wrote her assigned book report on The Scarlet Letter using the movie rather than actually reading the book. She had no clue that these two were substantially different, with the movie utterly distorting Hawthorne’s great story. And she was shocked to receive a failing grade. (At left, Hester Prynne, heroine of The Scarlet Letter.)

In producing a movie or writing a book, we should not change history. We shortchange our audiences, whether readers or moviegoers, students or adults, if we take today’s issues and place them in the past when such things were not possible. It’s so important to stick to historical fact. Each era of humankind has had enough issues of its own to teach succeeding generations what they need to know about the human condition. Let’s stick to reality. Let’s stick to truth about the past, as learned from trustworthy sources, so we can feel confident in the historical information we’re passing on to coming generations.

With that conviction in mind, when I set out to write any book, I commit myself to arduous and extensive research so to the best of my ability I would get it right historically. It’s always worth the journey.

So, what does a writer need to do to tell a good story? She must have characters with interesting internal and external conflicts and enough motivation to overcome them; a setting, which I define as time, place, and social environment; and of course, a plot, the storyline, the things that happen to and around the characters.

In order to turn history into fiction, I take three steps: first, develop those compelling characters my readers will identify with and care about; second, place them in real historical settings with actual events and real people, and third, start digging for the historical details that will flesh out my tale: the ideas our ancestors thought and the daily realities they dealt with. What were their philosophies, their struggles? How did they have fun? What did they eat? What kind of plumbing did they have. . .or not have? Digging out those details is like a treasure hunt to me.

I firmly believe we should use fiction to ignite interest in history and show students how interesting it can be. No one can ever know the absolute truth about every detail of history. In recent years, new information has come to light through documents and letters about the 1836 siege of the Alamo, where I got my first taste of delicious history. But nothing can change the fact that the courage of those who died that day in San Antonio inspired other Texans to fight for independence. In the April 2006 Smithsonian magazine, certainly a credible source, there are interesting questions raised about the recovery of John Paul Jones’s body. But nothing can diminish his heroic achievements in our American Revolution.

The unchangeable truth we can all agree on is that our children need to know American history and how it affects them, how their forefathers and foremothers pledged their lives, their fortunes, and their sacred honor to ensure the freedom of future generations.

If it takes a fictional story, based of course in reality and historical truths, to attract our children to the importance of the past, by all means, let those stories be told!

(All pictures are from Wiki Commons and are in the public domain.)

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Tall Grass by Julie Arduini

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We live in a development on a no outlet street cul-de-sac. It’s private, safe, and we love it. One thing that sometimes throws me off track is a neighbor. A retiree, that lawn might be mowed once, twice, yes, even three times a week.

Yeah, we don’t have time for that.

I can tell he takes pride in his yard, and I get it. He works on it and it looks good. We are a busy family where work and ministry are higher priorities. Our son does a great job with the lawn, but it isn’t an obsession for any of us.

Sometimes I get caught up in the neighbor’s priorities, or, dare I go there, I fear his reaction and/or rejection. When our once-a-week is suddenly ten days without mowing, I struggle with feeling pressured to get it done because of that neighbor.

Silly, right?

A few weeks ago my husband and son were out of town and it had been so rainy. Our grass was so tall, and the dandelions were past their prime and now a poof with long stems. As I drove by, I noticed every house around seemed void of dandelions, weeds, and tall grass. Most of the development uses landscapers, and some even call in companies to put chemicals on their lawn.

We’re from the country. Before we even moved to Ohio we never knew people actually make patterns from their mowing. We grew up just mowing to mow. Not only do I battle pressure to keep up mowing, but the fact that apparently we should be making fancy patterns out of our yard work, too.

I drove through lamenting why do I put myself through the pressure, and why do I care. Why is it everyone has great looking lawns when they are just as busy as we are?

Authenticity.

It wasn’t audible, but that is what keeps coming to mind every time I think of it. Our yard might not win any awards, but the yard is like us. Authentic. We are often due for pruning and a lot of work pulling out the weeds in our life. Although lawns, with a lot of time and money, can appear to look magazine worthy every day, it’s not quite a real representation. Those chemical companies charge to kill the weeds, and so do the landscapers that have their industrial mowers that can finish in half the time we can doing it ourselves.

My guess is like me, you’ve seen people who look on the outside completely put together. No signs of weeds or tall grass in their life. I remember meeting someone like that and I felt completely inadequate around her. What I didn’t know was her life was in chaos, and months later her marriage ended in a public way. I walked away understanding I will never look perfect or magazine ready, and that’s okay. I’m a work in progress, and what you see is what you get.

And the Lord is pleased with that.

So if you struggle to keep up with everyone else, realize they might be putting in more effort to hide their issues than you are going to the Lord with it head-on. Sure, our way may look like am unkept lawn with poofy dandelions, but everything about you, lawn included, is a real deal.

Embrace that, and not the lie that you have to have your neighbor’s perfect lawn.

 

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Happy National Paperclip Day!

National-Paperclip-Day-May-29

Today is National Paperclip Day!

I know, if you are like me you’re thinking, really? There really is a day for everything, isn’t there.

But did you know…

Paperclips are not just for holding papers together. There are many other things that you can do with them!

  • Replace a zipper tab
  • Unclog a spray bottle
  • Unclog a single serve coffee maker
  • Hem holder
  • Emergency hooks for broken necklaces

The Paper Clip Project

During World War II this small, universal office supply provided a visual method of protest at a time when any outward signs of objection could be dangerous, even in familiar company.

Early in the war, Norwegians were particularly persistent in their development of symbols. The paper clip represented “sticking together” for a time until the Nazis caught on and banned the wearing of paper clips.

According to a March 5, 1941, Provo, Utah newspaper article (The Daily Herald), the Norwegians switched to new symbols as quickly as the bans could be issued.
In 1998, a group of middle school students led by language arts teacher Sandra Roberts and associate principal David Smith began a project through a Holocaust education class. The voluntary after-school class, Whitwell Middle School principal Linda Hooper’s idea, would be the foundation for developing tolerance and diversity.

Inspired by the story of the protesting Norwegians and their paper clips, the students began to collect six million paper clips – one paper clip representing one Jew who perished during the Holocaust. Adults today still wrestle with how the Holocaust could occur. Imagine middle school students trying understand the magnitude of such an event on humanity.

The Paper Clip Project gained international attention and by 2001 the students collected more than 30 million paper clips. The school dedicated a Children’s Holocaust Memorial which displays an authentic German railcar filled with a portion of the paper clips.

For more information on this inspiring story, the book and film that followed visit www.oneclipatatime.org

After I read about The Paperclip Project I was both surprised and I admit I had a newfound respect for the paperclip. It just goes to show you, even the smallest of things can be used for good.

So, I hope you have a happy Paperclip Day.

All the best…

Mary Alford

http://www.maryalford.net

 

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Six Feet Deep!

 

Cemetery

By Nancy J. Farrier

What did you think when you read that title? The first thing most people think is someone is getting buried. Six-feet-deep is synonymous with burial. Why is that?

 

There are several reasons. Most agree that the term dates back to the 1600’s when outbreaks of plague were misunderstood. People who died were buried six feet deep in a vain attempt to stop the disease. They didn’t understand the plague was spread by fleas and rats. There are a few other reasons for burying a body deep, but I want to look at this term another way.

 

A few years ago, my daughter wrote a song that we sang during worship in our church. I still find myself singing the chorus and thinking about the words and their meaning. Here is the chorus:

 

Bury me in Your love,

Six feet deep,

Drive me to Your core,

No release,

Bring me to the center of You

Lost in love.

©2014 Ardra Farrier

 

The tune is catchy and stays with you. But, why do the words six-feet-deep mean so much to me? Below, are my four reasons.

 

  • As I mentioned earlier, six feet deep is synonymous with death. My greatest desire is to die to self and to live for Christ. So far, I have yet to achieve that goal, but I am trying every day to be less of me and more of Him.
  • That six-foot depth was a place of safety. Wild animals wouldn’t dig that deep. Grave robbers were less likely to steal a body from a deep grave. Likewise, I need a place of safety as a Christian. A shallow faith, or a lukewarm belief affords no protection. I want to buried so deep in God and His word that I am protected completely.
  • It was thought that a grave should fit the man. The average height at the time was about six feet, so that made sense for the depth of graves. I may not be that tall, but I want to fit completely into salvation. I don’t want a hand or leg left out. lol I want every part of me to belong to Jesus. I want to be buried deep in His love.
  • Bodies were buried deep to prevent the spread of disease. In our modern culture, with the knowledge we have, we understand how disease spreads and that a deep grave didn’t prevent plague. From my Christian perspective, the spread of disease is the opposite of the thinking of those in the 1600’s. When I am buried deep in Christ, I am not the one spreading disease, but I’m protected from false teachings, harm and temptations that might lead me away from where I should be.

 

While thinking about being buried might be morbid, the comparisons work for me. Maybe another time, I’ll think about being Lost in love and see where that leads. As long as I’m buried in His love, I won’t mind being lost in the love of Christ.

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Do You Have Lemon Juice on Your Face?

by Jim Denney

Many aspiring writers assume that, because they’ve done a lot of reading, they know how to write. This is almost never true. Writing is a craft that must the mastered through intensive study and practice. The problem is that most beginning writers don’t realize how much they don’t know.

Novelist Charles Bukowski once said, “The problem is that bad writers tend to have the self-confidence, while the good ones tend to have self-doubt.”  He was describing a principle known as the Dunning-Kruger effect — a cognitive bias that leads incompetent people to think they have superior ability.

If you’ve ever attended a writing class or a local writers’ group, you’ve probably met a few examples of the Dunning-Kruger effect — wannabe writers whose work is atrocious on every level, yet who behave in a smug, condescending, know-it-all way toward others in the group. The problem with incompetent writers is that they lack sufficient awareness to recognize their own incompetence.

Hemingway1923PassportPhoto

Ernest Hemingway said, “We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.” Photo: Hemingway’s 1923 passport photo, public domain.

The Dunning-Kruger phenomenon was identified in a series of experiments by psychologists David Dunning and Justin Kruger at Cornell University in 1999. Their research was focused on the case of a bank robber who smeared lemon juice on his face during his robberies. Why lemon juice? Well, lemon juice can be used as an invisible ink. The robber reasoned that, by smearing lemon juice on his face, he would make his face invisible to the surveillance cameras. Brilliant, eh?

Many beginning writers approach the craft in a similar way. Thinking they know it all, they publish their clumsy early efforts, fully expecting the world to applaud their brilliance — then they sulk and seethe over their non-existent sales and scathing Amazon reviews. They don’t realize they have lemon juice on their faces.

Herewith a confession: In my early writing career, I had a case of Dunning-Kruger myself. I was a young writer in my twenties, I was getting work published, and I thought I knew all I needed to know about writing. I rarely read a book on the craft of writing, and I never attended a writer’s conference or workshop. In my youthful arrogance, I didn’t know I had lemon juice on my face.

Today I have more than a 130 books to my credit (having worked with many publishers including Simon & Schuster, St. Martin’s, Thomas Nelson, Hachette, and more). I’ve been making my living as a full-time writer since 1989. But I no longer think I know it all. Not even close. In fact, I probably read thirty or more books on writing every year. Though I know so much more about writing than I did when I was in my twenties, I’m driven by a constant hunger to know more.

Hemingway understood. Shortly before his death in 1961, he told an interviewer, “We are all apprentices in a craft where no one ever becomes a master.”  If Hemingway considered himself an “apprentice” after earning the Nobel Prize for Literature, then I have all the more reason to be humble and eager to learn.

If you aspire to be a writer, I’d encourage you to study the elements of writing — character, viewpoint, milieu, plot, structure, and more. Learn the principles and technical aspects of the writing craft. Read books by great teachers of the craft. Attend writers’ conferences and workshops.

I’ve learned — the hard way — to always approach writing with the attitude of an apprentice, not a master. We writers need to stay humble — if we don’t want to get caught with lemon juice on our faces.

___________________________________

battle-before-time-cover-1

 

Note: Battle Before Time, the first book in my newly revised and updated Timebenders series for young readers, has just been released in paperback. Click this link to learn more.

And if you’d like to learn more about how to write faster, more freely, and more brilliantly than you ever thought possible, read my book Writing In Overdrive, available in paperback and ebook editions at Amazon.com. —J.D.

 

 

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A Visit to Adaland

I’m taking you on another one of my ‘history tours’ that I enjoyed while I was in West Virginia doing research for my Refined by Love series and Chapel Car Bride. For many years I’d heard my sister mention the home located a short distance from Philippi, known as Adaland. In addition to tours of the house and grounds, many weddings and other social events are hosted in the mansion and on the grounds. And since one of my sister’s friends is a docent at the mansion, Adaland was on my “to be seen” list. Of course, we wanted to go when Jada would provide the tour for us and give us a little of the inside scoop.

My expectations were high, and I wasn’t disappointed. This beautiful land on Fox Grape Run lay idle until purchased by the Modisett family in 1807. Don’t you love the name, Fox Grape Run? When I was little, we visited relatives on Plum Run, but I really like the name Fox Grape Run. Here in Kansas, we have creeks instead of runs, but in West Virginia and Pennsylvania, “runs” are common usage. Sorry—I got off topic and took you down a bunny trail with me.

The original home was a log structure. It wasn’t until 1868 that construction of this Greek Revival Mansion was begun by one of the Modisett sons. Until the acreage was sold to Judge Robinson in 1920, it was known as the Modisett farm. After purchasing the home and property, the judge began renovations and renamed it for his wife, Ada Sinsel Robinson. We enjoyed a wonderful tour of the home, and Jada played the psaltery for us. I gave it a try and thought I might purchase one—then I decided it would have to wait until I had a little more time. But one of these days…

I included this ‘picture of a picture’ that hangs in the dining room of Adaland because the young couple, Phoebe Pullison and Arlie Woodford, are the great-great-grandparents of my niece. Arlie was the overseer at Adaland and he and Phoebe were the first couple to be married in the mansion.

Of course, whenever I see an old typewriter, I must include a picture. I hadn’t seen this exact model before, but I’m glad I have a computer instead of an old manual typewriter. Producing a manuscript on a manual typewriter, using carbon paper and an eraser to correct errors now seems as antiquated as driving a Model T.

A good portion of the land was eventually sold to coal companies and the mansion was even used as office space. Can you imagine that? Eventually, to preserve the historic significance of the property, the house, barn, carriage house and about twenty acres were signed over to the City of Philippi and placed on the National Register of Historic Places. Renovations have been significant and costly, but well worth the time, effort and money. Adaland is a true jewel. If you ever find yourself near Fox Grape Run—stop in and have a glass of sweet tea and listen to the magical music of a psaltery. You’ll enjoy the step back in time.

May you find joy as you rest in Him. ~Judy

 

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Check Your Engines: An Animal Story (by Hannah Alexander)

Once upon a time, fourteen years ago, I stepped onto the front porch of our house and caught a mama cat nursing three half-grown kittens. She was a pretty thing, as were her kittens. Calico and tortoiseshell. But I immediately discovered the kittens were feral. They scattered in a panic when I spoke.

The mother, however, had once been tame. She looked at me and purred, then hissed, before she ran off after her kittens.

I spent the next few weeks feeding them, luring them closer, convincing them to trust me. Then I betrayed them by setting up a live trap, since I couldn’t get them close enough to grab them.  One by one, Mel and I caught them and took them to the vet to be spayed. Despite that horror, they began to trust us. Other cats followed, many of them old and frayed, but tame. They knew to find a home and ask for help. We took them in. I couldn’t imagine how so many cats could get lost so easily. I once thought some heartless people just dumped them near our corner. But over the years I’ve discovered that there is one specific way cats, in particular, get lost.

Skip forward to the present. This past weekend, Mel and I took Data (above) and Prancy (below), our rescue cats, out to a safe place in the Wyoming wilderness to see if they would enjoy it.

They did NOT. Data climbed right back through the open car door and hid. Prancy climbed into the car, but she hid under the hood, where I had to extract her from the top of the engine. (The kittens, by the way, all have good homes.)

The next day I drove back to our home in Nebraska with the cats. They hate traveling, and Data was especially vocal about it. He yeowled for two hours, as is typical. I became irate. I yeowled back. I finally found a wilderness area where I could stop and let them out because Data needed the litter box. He took off into the field and found a nice bush for privacy while Prancy just disappeared. I couldn’t find her anywhere, so I looked under the hood of the car.

There was a cat on the engine, but it was not Prancy!

Some poor little gray cat from our new home in Wyoming had climbed onto the engine for warmth sometime the night before, and ended up over a hundred miles away. Worse, he was so frightened he slid away and disappeared before I could catch him. I called and called and he never appeared. For a while I wondered if I was hallucinating. But I realized that we’d had cats hitch rides with us before. In fact, we found Data sitting on the top of a semi truck tire in a Walmart parking lot when he was a little kitten. He had obviously caught a ride the same way–under the hood or hidden somewhere under the truck. It’s a cat thing. Dogs don’t do it as far as I know. Now I have to ask all the neighbors in Wyoming if they’ve lost a cat, and confess that I unintentionally deposited their pet in the Laramie Peak Wilderness area east of the mountain pass. I can only pray that some kind soul in the homes nearby will take this little lost cat in.

From now on, before we embark on long trips, Mel and I will check under the hoods of our cars. You might never know how many little cats have sought warmth out of sight under your hood and found themselves lost in a strange and frightening world. Be kind to strays, because many of them have lost their homes and don’t understand why.

 

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Between the Rock and the Hard Place by Vicki Hinze

We’ve all been there with bosses, friends, family. Caught between the rock and the hard place. It’s uncomfortable, it’s maddening, and at times it’s heartbreaking.

 

We try to avoid those situations. We keep our opinions and thoughts to ourselves, avoid specific topics we know others have issues with, and sometimes we’re successful. Normally, between adults, we can agree to disagree. That, in my humble opinion, is how it should be. But the fact is, not everyone got that memo.

 

Listen, people aren’t clones. They have different opinions and ideas. They have different motivations and reasons for doing what they do. And, if those parties are family or real friends, they respect what they don’t know as well as what they do. They respect the person.

 

What do I mean by that? I mean we give our family and real friends the benefit of doubt that their motivations are pure and their reasons might well be something they cannot or choose not to share. Honestly, we do that for people we like. And the more we like them, the more benefit of doubt we grant them. Certainly nothing wrong with that. The more we know the person, the more we know and understand what is motivating their thoughts and actions.

 

In this type of situation, an issue arises is when what should be mutual respect is not mutual, and reciprocity is absent. A family member or real friend ignores your choices, your reasons for doing what you’re doing, and insists you react in a specific way to a specific topic or be forcefully alienated. In other words, they demand you think or act they way they want you to, or they belittle or give you grief for having a different reaction.

 

In that position, you have a couple of choices:

* You can do what the other person insists you do, forfeiting your choice and your reasons.

* You can attempt to discuss the situation with your family member or real friend, provided the gauntlet hasn’t already been tossed down and that opportunity removed from the table before you knew an issue existed.

* You can respectfully remove yourself from the situation, preferably without confrontation or a major blowout.

* You can engage in a confrontation or major blowout. (Rarely is this a constructive solution. Actually, I can’t think of a time when in personal relationships it has proven to be a constructive solution. Often it leads to permanent alienation.)

 

None of the above are optimum choices and none have positive outcomes. But in real life we are placed in these situations and they are absent positive outcomes, so we seek the outcome that is the least painful for all involved. We can’t control another’s actions, but we can control our own. So we seek the highest good for all. We seek a solution which inflicts the less amount of destruction and exhibits the greatest amount of respect—for ourselves and for others. Sometimes, that’s about the best we can do.

 

Losing a family member or real friend to disagreement is never easy. Nor should it be easy or painless to lose the connection to someone you’ve taken into your heart. The wound runs deep and it can cause bitterness, but only if you let it.

 

That is also a choice you make. Mostly you’ll wonder why you gave respect but were not respected. That’s a normal reaction, and an inevitable one. But once the shock wears off, it is not one to embrace.

 

As stated earlier, we cannot control the actions of others, only our own. And it is upon our own actions and reactions we should focus. Acknowledge the worse, but concentrate on the best. Continue to wish well. Continue to pray for insight and wisdom, for blessings for that person.

 

This might sound hard to do. That’s because it is. But, with time, it becomes easier, and a day does come when you know you’ve chosen the right path. Anger and upset is a heavy burden to carry. When you forgive—even those who never ask for forgiveness—you release that anger and upset.

 

It isn’t that you ignore it. It isn’t that you choose to let someone else walk all over you. It is that you respect your differences and refuse to fall to anger and upset over something you cannot control. When you forgive, you let go. You don’t carry that anger or upset anymore. You’ve accepted the reality of the situation. And while it might not be as you wished it, it is what it is, and you’ve accepted it and are free to move on with life.

 

For people of faith, who tend to put challenges on the altar early on, it is comforting to know that God’s got this. He will open eyes, change hearts, or deal with the situation bearing in mind the greatest good for all involved. That is a huge comfort. A huge blessing. When we have done what we can do, we trust God will do the rest—and He will do that best loving all who are involved.

 

It’s impossible to avoid being caught between the rock and hard place. And that, while unfortunate, is simply a fact of life when interacting with other people. As I told a dear friend not too long ago, “If you interact with others, expect conflict. It’s healthy, it’s normal, it’s inevitable. If you can’t deal with it constructively, become a recluse and get a dog.”

 

At the time, I thought that was about the best advice I knew to give. I still believe it now.*

 

Blessings,

Vicki

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Welcome guest author Christy Barritt

christy barritt photo

Welcome, Christy. We’re happy to have you here with us today. Can you tell us a little about how you started your writing career? 

For as long as I can remember, I wanted to be a writer. The desire started when I began reading Nancy Drew and Trixie Belden in elementary school. After that, I was hooked. I even wrote a few books in high school (that will never see the light of day!).

Then I went off to college to get a degree in communications, figuring it was too bad I couldn’t get a bachelors in novel writing and instantly find a job. If only it was that easy! After college I got a job with a Christian publishing house, and I thought I’d found my purpose: editing.

But at 23 my father became ill with Alzheimer’s disease, and I had to make a choice. I decided to give up my job and move twelve hours away, back home to be with him.

It was while I sat by my dad’s bedside that I rediscovered my love for writing. I also began freelancing and became a reporter for my local newspaper. I continued to learn my craft by participating in critique groups and going to writer’s conferences. I got an agent, lost an agent, almost got signed to publishing houses, and got signed only to have those very contracts fall through.

Eventually my first book was published, and I discovered that even once you had a contract, publishing was still a rocky road. But I pushed on ahead, determined to do what I felt was a call on my life.

Fast forward eighteen years after I moved home to be with my father, and I’ve now published sixty-four books. I’ve garnered several awards and even a movie deal. I’m so happy that I was faithful to God’s call in my life. It hasn’t always been easy, but the journey has been worth it.

About Christy:

USA Today has called Christy Barritt’s books “scary, funny, passionate, and quirky.”

A Publishers Weekly best-seller, Christy writes both mystery and romantic suspense novels that are clean with underlying messages of faith. Her books have won the Daphne du Maurier Award for Excellence in Suspense and Mystery, have been twice nominated for the Romantic Times Reviewers Choice Award, and have finaled for both a Carol Award and Foreword Magazine’s Book of the Year.

She’s married to her prince charming, a man who thinks she’s hilarious—but only when she’s not trying to be. Christy’s a self-proclaimed klutz, an avid music lover who’s known for spontaneously bursting into song, and a road trip aficionado.

Christy currently splits her time between the Virginia suburbs and Hatteras Island, North Carolina. She has more than sixty books published with over one million copies sold.

For more information, visit her website: www.christybarritt.com.

Lantern

 

Christy’s latest series is the Lantern Beach Mysteries, featuring a detective that must go into hiding on a fictional island off north Carolina’s coast.

 

Thank you so much for joining us today, Christy.

 

All the best…

 

Mary Alford

 

 

 

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If you build it, He will come.

Inside the chapel at Blue Lake

By Marilyn Turk

If you’ve read my previous posts, you know I directed my second writers’ retreat this year.

For months beforehand, I planned, prepared, and promoted the retreat, praying and trusting God to make it as successful as last year’s first retreat. I did all I could, then I had to sit back and wait.

If you’re an impatient person like me, waiting is the hardest part of anything. But I knew that up to a point, I was not responsible for the outcome. God would have to fill in the gaps where I was inadequate. He would have to get the people there – that was one thing out of many that were out of my control.

So the big day arrived and people began showing up. And this is where the story gets even better. God appointed certain people to help me with each area where I needed help. The man and woman who were our greeters last year took over, greeting each guest with a smile and hospitality. The two ladies who ran the bookstore organized the books and sales. The ladies who volunteered to help me decorate grabbed the decorations and placed them in appropriate spots.

But there were a few things I hadn’t covered. And God provided.

1) We needed a techie person to run the slides during our assemblies. I’m not one, and when I attempted, I messed up. But quick to the rescue, one of our attendees jumped up and came over to fix the problem. I asked him if he would be responsible for handling that part of our retreat and he happily agreed.

2) I always forget to take pictures and rely on others to use their phones. But conveniently, an attendee had brought his new “toy,” a camera, and he offered to photograph the entire retreat.

3) We have a prayer basket for prayer requests. I asked a friend who was attending for the first time if she would periodically check it and pray for the requests. A fantastic prayer warrior, she approached me later and offered to pray individually with anyone who requested personal prayer. As a result, she stayed busy with prayer appointments.

The next morning as I met God by the lake at the retreat, I pondered how He had provided all I’d needed, even those things I hadn’t asked for – except for one thing. I’d prayed for 100 attendees and God provided 66. Then I remembered the same thing happened the previous year – I asked for 100 attendees and God provided 66. I smiled as I realized that God provided the number He wanted to attend, the perfect number for an intimate spiritual as well as writing retreat.

1 Cor. 3:6

Sunrise at Blue Lake

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Lyn Cote Reviews Kathryn Springer’s Dandelion Field

Writers start by being readers and I still read daily. I’ve found a good book for you! Well, that’s my hope.

The Dandelion FieldThe Dandelion Field by Kathryn Springer

My rating: 5 of 5 stars

EXCELLENT, EXCELLENT book! But I wasn’t surprised. I’ve enjoyed others by Kathryn Springer, a friend and fellow Wisconsin writer.

The hero Dan and the heroine Gin both carry unhappy memories from the past. Gin’s a single mom and Dan’s still in love with the girl next door who married his best friend. These elements may sound familiar but not under Kathryn Springer’s insightful pen.

The other romantic couple causes the tension and drama–Raine and Cody, the girl from the wrong side of the tracks and the small town’s golden boy. Again a seasoned romantic conflict but again, Kathryn makes the old song new.

I rarely give 5 stars but The Dandelion Field deserved 5!

View all my reviews

QUESTION: Have you ever disappointed anybody? Yourself? No need to go into detail but how did you handle it?–Lyn Cote

BTW, my newest historical JOURNEY TO RESPECT, is on sale for 99 cents now. 

Some call him half-breed and all call her lady~

WEB LYN COTE 6

Click here to purchase.

 

 

 

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Step Ten in Our Journey

This is my second post about my novel Son of Perdition, a coming-of-age story about the son of Captain Ahab of Moby Dick infamy. In my May 3 post, I mentioned a book I used for research about the U. S. Naval Academy at Annapolis, Charles Todorich’s The Spirited Years: A History of the Antebellum Naval Academy (Naval Institute Press, 1984). EPSON scanner image

While conducting his research, Charles uncovered first person letters and narratives that revealed the agony many of the academy’s young midshipmen experienced in deciding what to do once war was imminent. During their arduous training, these midshipmen had forged friendships they never expected to dissolve, much less that they’d ever be required to shoot at one other with intent to kill. But after the election of Abraham Lincoln, war was unavoidable, and each young man had to obey the calls of his home state, his parents, and his own deeply held convictions regarding slavery. The letters written during this traumatic time make it clear the midshipmen knew the war was over slavery, though some preferred…and still prefer…to couch it in the benign term “states’ rights.”

Annapolis MidshipmenBy April 1861, several southern students had resigned their commissions and gone home. “Their lives about to be forever altered by forces beyond their control, the midshipmen of the North and South bid each other farewell…the great events unfolding around them transformed the midshipmen into men, but this did not hold back the tears. Though soon to be their enemies in war, the seceders were treated as ‘erring brethren,’ not traitors, and the closing days of the antebellum Naval Academy saw many poignant scenes” (Todorich 195). ( At left is a line of antebellum midshipmen on the academy parade ground.)

I incorporated this account and others from Charles’s book in my story. Here is my rendering of one such scene. My fictional characters are Timothy and Hart from the north, and southern boys Beau and Wils. Midshipmen William T. Sampson and Charles W. Flusser and commandant Lieutenant Christopher R. P. Rodgers were real men who spoke the words repeated at the end of this segment.

****

Timothy looked at Hart and then studied his two southern friends. “What about you? Are you going to leave?”

Beau shrugged. “I wrote to my father. I guess I’ll do whatever he tells me. I have no doubt Louisiana will follow South Carolina in secession.”

Wils bent his head. “I expect Maryland will secede, as well. If we do, I’m bound to my home state.”

Timothy thumped his fist on the table. “Come on, fellas. What happened to ‘My country, right or wrong’?”

“‘Navy first, last, and always’?” Hart added.

Beau and Wils traded a look, and both shrugged. They all sat in silence for several minutes.

Beau put his head in his hands. “I can’t think of it. I just can’t think of ever firing on the Stars and Stripes. Why did that fool Lincoln have to get elected anyway? He received less than forty percent of the popular votes and not one southern electoral vote. You’d think our opinions didn’t even matter to the rest of the country.”

How Timothy burned to tell Beau whose fault it really was—the slaveowners. But he had no heart for a fight. Until coming to the academy, he had considered all slaveowners as nameless, faceless monsters. But Beau possessed a golden character. Loyal, fearless, strong, kind, generous … and completely blind to the evils on which his family fortune was founded.

“You think there’ll be war?” said Hart.

“Only if that Lincoln fellow causes it,” said Wils. “He just needs to let us go. We’ll establish our own country, and pretty soon we’ll have a treaty with the United States. Everything will be fine and neighborly. If he’s got a lick of sense, he’ll just let us go.”

Timothy stared at Wils. Did he really believe it was that simple? Lincoln had promised in his campaign to keep the country together. Yet looking at Wils and Beau, he could not think of fighting them. In gunnery practice, they had always imagined real-life enemies and gleefully demolished them. But to stare down the sight of a gun at one of these men … no, he could never do it.

As if reading his thoughts, Beau gazed at him, his eyes filling with tears. He shook his head and brushed them away. “It shouldn’t be this way. It just shouldn’t.”

Timothy, Hart, and Wils hummed their agreement, unable to say anything more.

The following week, Beau returned to Timothy’s room clutching a letter. It could mean only one thing. Timothy held his breath.

“I have to go,” Beau choked out. “My father said to come home right away.”

Timothy hung on his friend, trying unsuccessfully to hold back his own tears. He skipped class and helped Beau pack.

Once the job was done, the stewards carried the baggage downstairs to the waiting carriage. Wils and Hart, along with classmates Sampson and Flusser, joined Timothy to bid André Beauchamp farewell. They hung on each other and formed a procession on their way out of the barracks, singing discordant friendship songs in an attempt to bolster their spirits.

As they reached the ground floor and headed toward the Main Gate, the commandant, Lieutenant Rodgers rushed from his quarters, his eyes blazing. “What’s the meaning of this rioting? Why aren’t you men in class?”

Timothy could not speak, but Sampson said, “No riot, sir. We’re only bidding our classmate goodbye.”

Rodgers regarded them for a moment, then sighed, and gave them a sympathetic nod. “Ah, yes. Carry on, men.”

****

Sent to Annapolis to serve their country, bonded in friendship closer than brothers, these four young friends are wrenched apart by issues over which they have no control. If I have succeeded in drawing my readers into my story, by this point they will be grieving for all of them.

Historical fiction takes us away from our daily lives to another time and place, “the good old days,” when life was simpler, religion, morality, and manners were the mainstays of social order, and everyone knew his or her place, whether academy midshipman, plantation owner, or slave. Set against the backdrop of 19th Century America shortly before and during the Civil War, Son of Perdition examines the way in which our concept of God can affect how we live. The power of a story such as this is the reader’s ability to live the experiences of the characters.Annapolis House.jpeg

At right is a picture of the U. S. Naval Academy Superintendent’s home.

Unlike today, in the mid-1800s American society as a whole had a high consciousness of God’s movement in the affairs of mankind. When the Civil War pitted brother against brother, friend against friend, and Christian against Christian, each side believed its cause was God’s will. Is it possible for true Christians in all integrity to find themselves on opposite sides of major issues? What are the issues today that divide true believers in Christ as seriously as slavery did in the 1800s? Is there anything we…I…can do to help bridge the gap?

This is the end of our journey through the life Captain Ahab’s family. I hope you’ve enjoyed it. If you missed any segments, you can find them HERE. And of course, I’d be thrilled if you would purchase these books for your reading pleasure.

61K8Hnx59RL   Ahab’s Bride

Hannah Rose Cover Hannah Rose

Son of Perdition final cover Son of Perdition

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The Drone Mom by Julie Arduini

The Drone MomJulie Arduini_edited

 

Dr. Dobson has a classic parenting book, Parenting Isn’t for Cowards.

Preach, Dr. Dobson.

The last couple years have stretched my faith and refined me. I’ve learned these seasons prepare me for future opportunities, but it’s hard. HARD. The lessons have come from observing our kids go through stuff that I can’t fix or take on for myself. Most of them have been issues God’s used to grow them even though they didn’t do wrong or face a consequence from sin. Last year gutted me because of this. Already we’re seeing gold come out from that, and I’m so thankful.

This year it’s been more trusting God with our daughter, His daughter, mind you. He created her, He knows her days and all her issues. If you’ve been pictures, He numbered the hair on her head and this girl has long, thick, thick, thick hair. You’d think stepping out of the way and let God be God with her would be easy. Right?

As I came home one night after a long day with a disobedient dog, meetings, lack of writing time, putting out fires from others, I had a meeting left regarding our daughter. There was news that came as a surprise, and I had a lot of paperwork to complete. Given her medical history, I should be given word count credit because it was a novella when I was done. I was so drained I came home and burst into tears in front of my husband, something I rarely do. I knew I had to let her go and experience this without us. My husband, in the same state I was, declared we had the budget to send me with her.

I had to tell him to do so meant we didn’t trust God and all the doors He’s opened for her.

But our meltdown that led to a trip to DQ for chocolate therapy showed me something. I think there’s a new term out there to describe parents like me.

Drone mom.

Helicopter mom isn’t a new label, and I get it. These moms hover and have the capacity to stunt their child’s growth because they get in the way and handle everything the child needs to learn on their own.

Drone mom. I confess drones scare me. I find them intrusive. As I reflected on my fears I realized I’m buzzing real close to drone mom status. Zooming in and out of no where, all my ugly out there for the world to see, being scary. Issuing demands on how things are going to go, which let’s call it for what it is, I wanted it my way.

Drones are also noisy. At least the ones I’ve seen, and it’s almost a buzzing sound you’d hear from an electronic mosquito. Not a sound you want to hear for relaxation and peace. Do I want to be known as that mom who bullies her way through the doors and screeches through my demands? No. Advocacy is one thing, but what I was tempted to do and be was loud and in the way.

Although my experience with drones is limited, when I see them on the news, sometimes they are in trouble because the owners violated boundaries. Went onto private property. I just want to help. I want our daughter to have the best life possible. Sometimes my methods cross the line. I call my actions Sarah, Plan B, because what I’m basically doing is creating an Ishmael of a problem. I run far ahead of God and get over my head. Then I stop and scream for help.

Loving our children isn’t wrong. Creating boundaries and expecting obedience is good parenting. However, when faith as a parent is pushed aside and we start making choices rooted in fear, no one wins. Whether a drone parent catches on or not, the visual scared me back to my heavenly Father’s arms. I don’t want to be a drone parent.

If you can relate, run into His arms, repent, and ask for His wisdom and discernment as you love your children. He is faithful!

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Remembering the Sacrifice Mothers Make All Year Long

mother's hug

This last Sunday, we celebrated the mother’s in our lives and they so deserve our honor. They do so much for us each and every day of our lives. Whether it be bandaging a scrapped knee, or mending a broken heart, mothers are always right there beside us every step of the way through our lives and you are never too old to need your mother. When the worries of the world beat us down, there’s no better place to be than your mother’s arms.

Mother’s are tough when they need to be, and gentle when we’re hurting. They impart words of wisdom whether we want to hear them or not. And those precious gems come to mind when we need them the most.

My mother has been gone for almost six years now, yet not a day goes by that I don’t think about something she told me, or did for me growing up. A mother’s lessons last a lifetime.

There are other women in our lives that help to shape who we are as well. They are the aunts, the step-moms, and the mothers-in-laws who play important parts in our lives and love us no matter what.

Mother’s Day is a great day to tell your mother how much she means to you, but showing our appreciation shouldn’t be limited to just one day. So, if you’re lucky enough to have your mother or those other special women in your life still, don’t forget to tell them how much they mean to you every chance you get.

All the best…

Mary Alford

http://www.maryalford.net

 

newcovers

Past Sins – Available at Amazon:

She almost died at the hands of a madman. Will she survive another dance with the devil?

FBI Agent Samantha Morning Star barely survived a serial killer’s knife when the Night Slasher captured her, intent on making her his next victim. Samantha’s narrow escape still haunts her, sending her fleeing to the one place where she has always felt safe. The Durante Mountain Cheyenne Indian Reservation in Northern Wyoming. But Samantha’s past sins are all there waiting for her. The young boy she once loved and left behind is now all grown up and the chief of police for the reservation.

Chief Zack Standing Elk can’t believe it. The woman who tore his hearts to shreds is back. But Samantha isn’t the same person she once was when she left the reservation behind after her grandmother’s death, insisting that he not wait for her. Samantha is one troubled soul. It isn’t long before he realizes the reason behind the fear in her eyes, when the killer who took her hostage follows her to the Cheyenne reservation determined to claim her as his once more.

With the clock ticking on the Night Slasher’s latest victim, Zack’s past sins come back and haunt him as well. Can he find out the Slasher’s true identity before he takes another innocent life? And will he be able to stop the killer who is coming after Samantha full force?

Layers of The Truth – Available at Amazon:

When Cady Russell receives a heartbreaking call from Deputy Sheriff Aamon Lone Elk telling her that her sister has died in a fire that mimics the one that took her parents’ lives twenty years earlier, Cady knows she has to return to Wyoming to find out what really happened to Samantha.

Deputy Sheriff Aamon Lone Elk knows a little about grief himself. He lost his wife to a drunk driver five years earlier. Aamon still isn’t able to move beyond the pain. Yet meeting Cady Russell throws him. She is both beautiful and strong, and he is attracted to her right away.

Cady has been lost in the past as well, unable to move beyond the tragedy that claimed her parents. Now her sister is dead by the same means, and she is convinced the two fires are related.

As the attraction between then continues to grow, can Aamon keep Cady safe as they peel back the layers of lies connected to the two fires? Or will a killer bent on keeping his deadly acts secret send them both to their graves

Eye of The Storm  – Available now at Amazon:

Former CIA Agent Kate Reagan finds herself in the middle of storm that has disrupted her life for six years. When Kate’s entire team was killed by the terrorist they’d been chasing for months, Kate finds the only way to save her life is to pretend to lose it.

After moving dozens of times through the years, Kate ends up in the small mountain town of Soaring Eagle, Wyoming where everything about the place screams of the home she’s been longing for.

Running into Deputy Sheriff Brady Connors, Kate finds herself attracted to the handsome frontier lawman right away, but having a future is not possible while the enemy is still stalking her.

With Brady’s help, Kate is about face the showdown she’s been expecting for a long time, when the enemy coming after her proves to be closer than Kate could ever imagine.

 

 

 

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