There is a Cuban food truck in my town. My husband and I go there once in a while for a delicious Cuban sandwich. There is usually a man doing the cooking and a woman who takes the orders, gets the drinks, etc. I don’t know her name, but I like her. I like her because she calls me “Mommy.” (Perhaps this is how she addresses all the female customers?) She is younger than me, but I don’t think she is young enough for me to be her mother. But it still makes me feel good. Why? Because no one else on this earth calls me Mommy or Mom or Mother or Mama. (Unless you want to include my dogs, but they can’t talk!)
“Do you have children?” I am asked that question often. Usually it comes up when meeting someone new. For most people it is a normal question, similar to commenting on the weather. But for me it hurts every time. I have not been blessed with children. And it is the one thing in life that I long for the most – to carry a baby in my arms, whether my own flesh and blood, or adopted. To nurture and care for a child is one of the greatest gifts. But it is one that I have not experienced.
There are times when I believe I have actually accepted this about my life, until the subject comes up in a conversation. And then I know that I am still harboring the hurt, the rejection, and the regret of not having a child. The pain is raw once again. Deep down I long to be open and genuine, fully embracing my situation. But when I am open, I often regret it. Whoever I am speaking to will make a comment that reopens the scar.
There have been times when I would run and turn to my friends for comfort. And at the time I might receive a small bit of reassurance. But the comfort doesn’t last. My mistake is that I don’t turn to THE Comforter. One night as I lay in bed, a favorite Bible verse went through my head. It was Romans 8:28 (NLT) which says, “And we know that God causes everything to work together for the good of those who love God and are called according to His purpose for them.” It’s a verse I wholeheartedly believed… except when it came to this one thing. I felt that being a mother was the single most important thing a woman could do. Raising a child would give my life meaning and purpose. Without that one thing, I had to wonder why I was even here.
But that night as I began to seek sleep, God brought that verse to mind. Suddenly I was wide awake as I heard Him whisper, “Yes, even with that.” Remembering that moment brings tears to my eyes. Knowing that in my deepest pain, God was there to soothe the scrapes and bruises on my heart.
And then I knew that I had to make a choice. Either I believed God or I didn’t.
Perhaps you are facing a similar pain in your life. It might not be about children necessarily. Maybe it was a choice from your past that you regret. Or it could be a dream you long to see fulfilled. Whatever might be weighing on you today, remember that God has a way of making things more beautiful than we could ever imagine. He can take the biggest disappointments and create an amazing testimony. Lay it all down at God’s feet. Your regrets, your broken dreams, your fears, and your suffering. He can and will work all things together for good. He will pick up every jagged piece of your life, place them all together like a jigsaw puzzle, and create a beautiful masterpiece, if you allow Him to.
Christians Read 
Thank you, Bridget. God bless you for uplifting me through such a sensitive topic. Yes, some areas are easy to lay before our Father and others are not, but you have taught me that no matter how painful and difficult a circumstance, when we lay it before our faithful God, He will take over. He will bring comfort, healing and restoration.
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It’s amazing how such a powerful God, is also very caring. Oh how He loves us!! ❤️ Thank you so much for commenting! 😊
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Thank you for being so vulnerable and sharing your heartache. I can’t imagine that pain that you carry. Thank you for the reminder that “even in that” God is with us.
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How wonderful that we have such a loving God! He wants to bring us comfort, heal our pain, and ultimately use our story for good! ❤️ Thank you so much for commenting!! 😊
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You aren’t the only one, Bridget, and I sure do know the pain when someone asks that innocuous question. People ask it just to make conversation, because, after all, they think everyone must have children. Mother’s Day at church is awful for some of us when the pastor has all the mothers stand, and we’re left sitting there for everyone to see, yet again, that we were not chosen. And worse is when people stress how vital it is for a woman to have children to be a real woman. Or they look at us funny, as if we actually chose not to have children, and that we’re horrible and selfish monsters.
Or they pity us. But God has used Mel and me to do quite a few things that we wouldn’t have done with children. We are, also, chosen.
I do feel your pain, my friend. But we can soar in the way God has chosen for us, and the Bible says that we who have never had children will be able to rejoice in the end because of our descendants–I’m thinking that might mean spiritual descendants, but I could be wrong.
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I was nodding my head as I read through your comment. Mother’s Day is hard for me too. I think I am getting a little better in that regard, but it still hurts. And people assuming you chose not to have children. One particular person had a small outburst saying to me, “I don’t understand why people don’t want children. They are just selfish.” … But you are right. We are still chosen by God. We are still appointed by God to produce lasting fruit. We still have a special purpose. ❤️ I will look for the Bible verse you mentioned. I love the idea of spiritual descendants! Thank you so much for commenting and letting me know I am not alone! 🤗
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I no longer attend church on Mother’s Day. It’s too painful and awkward. I prepared all my life and nothing. A few years ago, I finally gave away my collection of children’s books and cried. Accepting what is may be sad but has its own kind of peace. Trusting God in every aspect is a challenge but as you said do I or don’t I? I do, but some things are tougher than others. ❤
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I am so sorry. I understand completely. And you’re right, some things are tougher than others. Some moments we might feel peace and other moments we might feel pain again. I have actually considered reading C.S. Lewis’s book on grief as an attempt to work through some of this. I am hesitant to do so, but I still might… Just know you have friends out there who feel your pain. I am sending you hugs. And remember that we have Jesus and if we cling to Him, He will bring us comfort. ❤️
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❤
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Bridget, this is a question I never ask couples. I know how painful it can be when the child you long for is not yours. Before I was blessed with children, I had several miscarriages. I overheard people ask, “What’s wrong with her?” That hurt too. I appreciate your heart for God and for His healing and comfort. Thank you for sharing.
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I am sorry you had to deal with the pain of miscarriages and other people’s judgement. It’s sad that some people are so quick to judge. None of us are excluded from pain and heartache. We all have them in different ways… Thank you for commenting and for your sweet words. And I too appreciate your heart for God. I know you too have shared some difficult stories. But thank God for His love. And as you said for His healing and comfort. It truly amazes me that such a powerful God also loves and cares enough to wrap His arms around us when we are in our deepest pain. ❤️
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I’m “semi” cheating on my blogging break. I won’t be posting for a while yet, but I was feeling too isolated, and missing reading posts.
I don’t have any children either. I remember when my last brother had children. I was the only one in my family that didn’t have any children. It hit me hard. I cried and cried. I had no idea what I was going to do with the rest of my life if I didn’t have any children. It changed my plans. It’s a really weird story how I moved on. Actually it’s kind of ridiculous. I thought having something to love would fill the void, so my husband and I went out and adopted a puppy. I don’t know what happened, but this dog and I didn’t bond. It chewed my carpet, it took off on me when I tried to take it for a walk. And it was constantly throwing up. I don’t think I was ready for a dog. I realized that I wasn’t ready for a child either. For some reason this settled me down because I’d become an emotional basket case. I wasn’t ready. I realized something else a while ago. I had just become a Christian. I became a Christian while dating my husband. I don’t think I could have raised a child to know the Lord. I didn’t know Him well enough. I don’t know if that factors into why we weren’t blessed with children. There could be more to it than that, but I definitely wasn’t ready for kids. I couldn’t even handle a dog!
Thanks for sharing. I’m sorry that you still have that pain. For me I feel as not having children places us in a weird category. I’ve had trouble relating to other women, and at church we always found it difficult to fit in anywhere as well.
God has given us a different kind of family. Andrew and I have ministered online for a good chunk of our marriage and the friends we have made through this have become our family. Three young men asked Andrew if they could call him dad because their dad ran out on their mom when they were young, but Andrew has been supportive of them through a video game they met him on. (They talk witu him over the phone still from time to time.) So, the Lord really does work it for good. Our family isn’t “traditional” But it’s still a family. Plus, I mother all my friends to death…lol.
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Aw what a sweet story and happy ending. Yes you are right that it’s hard to fit in when you don’t have children. And it’s a shame that even at church, where people should be more understanding, it places a wall between us and other people. But I’m so glad to hear that you have made peace with it. That shows how much you trust God. That is really wonderful. Thank you very much for commenting! I’m honored that part of your break from your break (LOL) was to read my post. 😁
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I enjoyed this post very much. It truly is a matter of do I trust God or not. I am 30 yrs old and have no husband or even a prospect. That bothers me of course because my friends and church family my age and younger are married with multiple children, which I also desire. For a long time I believed it would happen for me. As time has worn on, my faith seems to waver. The one hope that I had of a prospect all of the sudden married somebody else! Wow, did that hurt. I have been praying about this recently and talking to a friend then she saw this post and told me to read it. It has helped me to remember that God is in control and will give us the comfort we need. He does have a plan and a reason even though I might not can see it. I will say the scripture in 1 Corinthians 7:32 has been a big help to me. It tells us not to be anxious about not being married because we can focus more on pleasing the Lord. Thank you for sharing. It makes me also to understand I’m not the only one in this situation. Also, the question are you married yet? No. Well why not….uh, what do you say to that one! Yikes. It really doesnt matter what other people think though. The real deal is am I doing everything I can to live for Him.
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Tabitha, thank you so much for commenting! I am so sorry for what you are going through. I know your situation can be painful. And having people ask why you aren’t married isn’t helpful. It’s not like you can snap your fingers and have the perfect person appear! But remembering that God is in control and has your best interest in mind is key. One Bible verse that might be helpful is: “And I am certain that God, who began the good work within you, will continue his work until it is finally finished on the day when Christ Jesus returns.” – Philippians 1:6. You can be certain that God is still on the throne, God has your back, God is looking out for you, and God is always by your side. On days when you feel lonely, remember you are never alone! And because you aren’t married yet, doesn’t mean you won’t get married. Trusting Him will get you through whatever lies ahead. And what you said at the end is so very true! Living for Him is what matters most! God bless! 💜
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