Every Easter season, I reflect on the disciples and their choices. Our church offers a Passion Play and no matter how many times I’ve seen it, I think about Peter’s transformation from foot-in-the mouth to feet on the ground to tell everyone about Jesus. About John and what a true friend he was. And Judas. What a heartbreaking end for him.

This year my mind camped at the thought of those three days and beyond. Mary Magdelene went to the tomb and found it empty, and she ran to Peter and John to tell them. They needed to see. Once they saw the grave clothes folded and no sign of Jesus, they understood what He had said to them. What the Scriptures foretold. But Thomas? He had to see Jesus and the nail marks.

I admit, I’m the same. There are promises over my life and those I love that even when they came to pass, I had trouble receiving it. I had faith the entire time I was praying. I did. Yet, when it was fulfilled, I had to check. Check again. Triple check.

One promise was having a daughter. I felt not long after our first child was born, we were to have a daughter. When I miscarried, I wondered if that was the end of that promise. Still, I felt a stirring that God was not done. After a lot of prayer, I was convinced I was going to have one more child, a daughter. I even had a month that I felt was God’s whisper for us, although I didn’t quite know what it meant. My husband didn’t have the heart to tell me that same month was in his mind, too. He was planning to sit me down that month and tell me we needed to stop trying. It wasn’t going to happen, and he didn’t want to have young children and be a senior citizen at the same time.

As only God can, there was only one opportunity that month for that desire of my heart, and weeks later when I took the pregnancy test, it was faint, but it was there.

And I couldn’t believe it.

Since the first test was an afternoon one, I bought another and took it first thing in the morning.

Another positive, even stronger.

I still couldn’t believe it. Our hot water tank decided to retire, and things were quite stressful. I figured somehow it was my hormones in rebellion, and it couldn’t possibly be a pregnancy.

After a THIRD test, I finally saw the situation for what it had been all along, an answer to prayer.

There is so much about Jesus time on earth that I want to condemn his earthly friends for their lack of understanding and faith, but I’m no better. Promise after promise comes to pass and I hesitate to believe it was His hand. Over the years I’ve seen people healed. Set free. Provision. So much, and yet, I am not sure when a prayer is about ready to be answered, or already has.

I believe the world is about to see the greatest ushering of His presence through answered prayer and Holy Spirit direction that we better get ready. I believe many prayers will be answered overnight, so subtle yet amazing, we will be dumbfounded.

I want to be ready. I don’t want to be one that needs to run to the tomb to make sure it is empty, or demand proof like Thomas. Like Joyce Meyer has said, “I’m not where I need to be, but thank God I’m not where I used to be.” My faith has grown, but especially when it comes to loved ones, it’s so hard to believe in faith, even after the prayer has been answered.

How about you? Is this a struggle? What disciple do you relate to?

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One of my recent “Are you sure, God?” moments was creating a devotional to complement my contemporary romance series. FINDING FREEDOM THROUGH SURRENDER is a 30 day devotional featuring the characters from ENTRUSTED, ENTANGLED, and the June release, ENGAGED. It also features surrender issues from those books that we all can relate to: fear, loss, change, regret, and dreams. If you’ve read my romances, it’s a great visit with old friends to prepare you for ENGAGED. If you’re new to my series, the devotional will help you get to know the characters and stories.

FINDING FREEDOM THROUGH SURRENDER