Walking Another’s Path by Vicki Hinze

One of the hardest things a parent can experience is watching their child go through life, and—boom!—you see trouble ahead unless they change paths. If the child is young, you guide them, counsel them, direct them away from danger or pain. 

But the older the child becomes, the more independent s/he becomes.  The sphere of influence broadens to friends, teachers, and others and the less influence you, the parent, have.  You may not even know there is a problem until it goes so far that the consequences are huge.  Teens and adult children are notorious for this for a multitude of reasons.

Of course, when we are aware, we attempt to guide and offer counsel and learned wisdom anyway.  Of course, we do.  When we can.  But there are times when we cannot.  When we’re kept in the dark, or our counsel is unwanted. 

I have a friend going through such a situation now.  The actions of another directly impact her in ways unimagined, and yet she cannot say anything.  Cannot do anything…except love the other person through it and offer what support she can.

That sounds like small solace to her, but it is not.  It’s huge.  This is, after all, another’s path and no one understands all of that path as well, including the unspoken nuances and histories and triggers on it.

When someone comes to us with an issue, we want to solve it.  We want to help because we hate seeing another hurt.  The closer we are to that person, the more we hate seeing them struggle through a difficulty.  At these times, we all find it hard to remember that there is good in pain and hurt.  That sometimes we must endure the pain and hurt to gain insight and knowledge we need to avoid suffering greater pain or hurt later. 

This battle within can put our minds and hearts at war with each other.  It typically does.  Yet, as we mature, we learn that we need that insight and knowledge more than we need protection from pain and hurt.  It isn’t easy, or fun, or pleasant.  Still, we learn and grow and we’re better prepared for future challenges. 

I guess the points hitting me over the head are:

1. We can’t assume we know best the steps another should take on their path when they have the best and most complete picture of their path.

2. We can’t be sure that even the best advice and the most well-intentioned advice is the right advice for another in their situation, right now.

3. As an outsider, we don’t know all the nuances or intricacies on any situation with anyone except our own. Often, we don’t know all of those about ourselves.

4. Small hurts and pains teach us constructive coping skills for tougher challenges.

5. We can’t walk another’s path. We can support them, love them, and pray for them, but we cannot walk their path.  We must walk our own.

6. We can listen, we can care, we can support.  We cannot fix things for others.

7. If another wants our opinion, they will ask for it.

8. We can offer help in tangible ways we can, but it’s up to the other person to accept it—and should they choose not to, we must respect and accept that, understanding that they best grasp their situation and what is right for them.

 I’m working through this as I write, and the thread I’m seeing is one of respect.  Respect for the other person’s path.  Respect for their place on it. And respect for them. 

If we offer that—respect—then I think we’ve offered them the best of us, and what they most need.

After all, we must each walk our own path and, at its end, each of us is responsible for our own journey.

Blessings,

Vicki Hinze